FUCK THAT. My in-laws didn't see why I needed to be at "their" Christmas with "their" daughter the first year, despite the fact that we'd been dating for eight months, despite the fact that they lived walking distance from my wife's house. Every step of the way I've had to let them know that I make my own decisions, so does my wife, and that we're not going to be walked on. Yeah, if you get along and think it'll flatter 'em, what does it hurt? But there's a world of difference between doing that and actually giving a shit what they say.
I might argue that if your GF's parents don't show you any respect it's even better to ask the father in law. At least you will forever know that you were the bigger person in the relationship and that you gave them a chance to "have a seat at the table." How is your relationship with them now that it's been a while and you gave them a granddaughter?But there's a world of difference between doing that and actually giving a shit what they say.
Agreed, that's why I put this in there: Everyone involved knows that really this is going to go down no matter what, but it gives the parents a seat at the table.
-Unless the parents are complete morons, they know it's a formality and that their daughter is getting married one way or the other. It can be a nice place for both the son in law and father in law to state what is and is not important to them. Religion wasn't very important to me and I let him know that while I was "spiritual" I wasn't "religious" and wasn't going to be.
Once they learned who I was it settled down nicely. However, they needed to be broken of the notion that I'm a pushover that does whatever they want and forces my wife to do said-same. Where things go to shit is the passive-aggressive nature of her mom. I got chewed out six months ago for an off-handed remark I made in 2010. To someone else. But she's been sitting there stewing, waiting to chew me out for it for three years. That kinda shit happens regularly. Over Thanksgiving I caught grief for buying brining mix from Trader Joe's. Why? Because I had told my mother-in-law two years previously that she didn't need to bring brining mix to Thanksgiving. Why did I say that? Because she packs too much crap. What didn't I know? She'd bought a package of brining mix from Cost Plus and was about to throw it in her luggage, and it has now been sitting on the kitchen counter for two years. So there I am, getting my ass bitten off in my own kitchen, while cooking my own 24-lb heritage breed turkey, which they're eating, because my mother-in-law won't toss or give away $4 worth of salt she bought on a lark in 2011. This is why I don't ask their permission.