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comment by _refugee_
_refugee_  ·  3945 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: On Seeing the 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning, by Haruki Murakami

    I definitely don't mean to insinuate that we shouldn't commit to a long-term relationship

    don't feel like you are personally a bad person/lover/partner if it does not last. Because statistically speaking, everything ends

thankyouthankyou.

Right now I've - resigned is the wrong word - realized that I'll probably be in and out of long-term relationships for the rest of my life. Maybe 10-year relationships, maybe 1 year or 20-years if I am lucky. But I have never once dated someone I did not get bored of, eventually. Someone who I eventually no longer wanted to be with. Someone who eventually no longer turned me on or excited me. And you know what?

That's okay. It doesn't mean I won't love anyone ever. Doesn't mean I haven't. Just means that maybe I'm not set for an extremely long-term relationship - don't think I'm set for marriage for sure. If I can have my independence and a good 2-year romance every 5 years or so...what's wrong with that? I can have my happiness...and honestly, if I'm lucky, I get to fall in love again and again.

It's a weird world-view. But I'm okay with it.





user-inactivated  ·  3945 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Right now I've - resigned is the wrong word - realized that I'll probably be in and out of long-term relationships for the rest of my life. Maybe 10-year relationships, maybe 1 year or 20-years if I am lucky. But I have never once dated someone I did not get bored of, eventually. Someone who I eventually no longer wanted to be with. Someone who eventually no longer turned me on or excited me.

Me too, and for a while I semi-sort of wondered if there was something wrong with me emotionally when I bothered to think about it all. I have a different understanding now, but it's still sad.

Tell you what, let's date. We'll get tired of each other in half the time we normally get tired of other people.

_refugee_  ·  3944 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Our relationship will last the span of approximately one Hubski meetup!

b_b  ·  3945 days ago  ·  link  ·  

After crossing 30 and having a few nieces and a nephew, my views on family life have softened. I used to be adamantly against it, but I can see a different value now that I was indifferent to before. One of the main reasons I broke up with my previous girlfriend is that it became clear to me that she would make a terrible wife and mother. That didn't matter to me in the beginning, because I never wanted that (in fact, I think I found it attractive, because it took that out of the equation necessarily). But once I started feeling like it was even in the realm of possibility, I cut bait. It was a good choice.

_refugee_  ·  3945 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I'm willing to believe my views may change in the future. That's wherefore all my mights and maybes. Maybe I'll meet someone who's so great they'll convince me I'll be a great parent too - not in a bad way, more like in a kb00 sort of way.

And you know what? It is a good idea, also, to cut out of relationships when you realize they're not what you want. Which is probably another stick in the pile of "why I'm okay with the prospect of being in long-term but not permanent relationships for as long as it works for me."

b_b  ·  3945 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    I'm willing to believe my views may change in the future.

Then you're doing better than I was at your age! I was always convinced that my views were steadfast. Flexibility is good. That's my advice based on life experience.

theadvancedapes  ·  3945 days ago  ·  link  ·  

mmmmmm... flexibility...

_refugee_  ·  3945 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I should take more yoga ;)

theadvancedapes  ·  3945 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    *That's okay.*

That's right. Everything is going to be okay :-)