As I'm only 23, I really can't comment on getting older. Perhaps when Hubski is 7 years older, I will look back on this and laugh. I have yet to fear getting older and have always pretended to be older than I was. At 14, I was 18 sneaking into bars for punk shows, being "badass" in front of the local guys, and participating general chaos. Sneaking out, no shoes, shots Barcardi 151 without chasers, etc. When I was 18, I was 22 to drink at bars in New York. Later that year, I got my first gig editing in New York and told the guy hiring that I was a 24 year old. Since most of the gigs I did after that were word-of-mouth from this guy, that fact stuck with me until I was eventually 27. I can only imagine his surprise when he added me on Facebook this year and noticed that the shots of our late nights in the editing bay were in the same album as me moving into the dorm. Did anyone really believe me? I have no idea. I still have a babyface to this day and get carded everywhere. But no one ever seriously called me out on it. People still said, "you seem way more mature than that" even with my fake age and "goddamn, you look like you could be in high school". In high school, my parents were horrified to meet the various groups of friends I would hang out with. At 15, my best friend and I spent the entire summer with a group of 19-23 year old guys and girls. Smoking, drinking, and occasionally fucking on the beach. To this day they remain some of my best friends. But all my parents saw were naughty predators taking advantage of our innocence. Little did they know that these guys and girls were far less predatory than the hornballs that were my age. In a professional environment, I still rarely mention my age. I think it detracts from the respect I get. "Oh - your're only 23? Alright...yeah....I'll take that advice with a grain of salt." When I visited Coca-Cola HQ last year, I got respect from the coke guys. I told them exactly what we would do and how we would do it and why we were doing it that way. My company's account manager, who knew my age, was stunned when I spoke up in the meeting and I could see fear race through his heart. The relief was palpable when I didn't make a fool of myself. Like I'm going to open my mouth in front of a million dollars if I don't know exactly what I'm about to say. LOL. Later that night, before the bar, he demanded to see and approve my outfit and gave me a stern talking to about how much I would be drinking and that I shouldn't feel compelled to dance on the bar. Really? I didn't even dance on bars at 14. But being young enables me to get away with a lot of things that would be looked down upon if I was older. Being occasionally trashy is expected. Once you get older, you may automatically get the respect that experience and age brings. Professionally, people tend to listen to what you have to say, regardless of your actual knowledge on the subject. But the judgement gets a lot harsher. When you earn the respect as a girl - when people are surprised at your maturity or what comes out of your mouth - you truly earned that and it's true respect. When you are automatically entitled to it the second you walk in the room, it's much easier and much worse to lose it. Getting too drunk and/or spreading your legs for a guy will cost you respect very quickly because that automatic respect comes expectations of how you should act. No more jean skirts and flip flops, no more blackout nights, no more one night stands, etc. And if you don't follow those rules, you will lose their respect. Somehow, losing someone's respect is a lot harsher than never having the respect in the first place. It's because at a certain age, men expect that you won't respond. When you are 18 you are expected to respond because you are nothing but a young, innocent, ignorant child. If you were to get catcalled at at 30, and you responded, you would be infinitely trashier than an 18 year old who responded. I for one, enjoy fucking and drinking and occasionally doing too much of both. I don't know if that will ever change, but I should probably start getting better at choosing the times I do it at.No one screams at me any more. In November, I walked around Beirut at 3 AM and besides one guy jerking off toward the stars, no one bothered me. Men tell you you'll miss street harassment when it's gone. I don't.
Yeah that totally goes away the minute you hit 30. Take it from me ;)I for one, enjoy fucking and drinking and occasionally doing too much of both. I don't know if that will ever change, but I should probably start getting better at choosing the times I do it at.
I'm still under the delusion that we just grow up at some point. All the adults I saw were my parents friends - not big drinkers, super (rich) professionals, kept in contact via christmas cards with their matching white polos etc. I figured I would wake up one day and I would be like them. But...yeah...I don't think that's ever going to happen.
Meh. We evolve continuously. I would never, say, drink a whole bottle of liquor in an evening at this point in my life. And I'm a homeowner, something I never thought would happen. But I've never sent a damn Christmas card in my life, and I don't plan to start. mk and I were having dinner the other day, and we were wondering at what point we started to enjoy that. As kids the idea of going out to dinner to sit around and chat is the most boring thing you could possibly do. As adults it's something we all love. Who knows when the transition took place, probably at a Denny's late at night as a teenager, chain smoking and drinking coffee to quiet your buzz, I suppose. The transition to old is probably equally as diffuse, I imagine.
When I turned 18 my dad told me that my mind would always be about 18, but then eventually my body just wouldn't do stuff that I want it to do. So, my view on getting older is pretty much based on that. Like, I still feel like I'm 25, but with more experience and more stories.I'm still under the delusion that we just grow up at some point.
Oh hell yeah. At my last company, despite the fact that I had more relevant experience required before pursuing a certification (there was a minimum year requirement) and despite the fact that I'd said I wanted to pursue said certification, my management offered education opportunities to an older man that they were pushing for the certification, and didn't even mention them to me. I'm certain it was related to one of two things: my gender or my age. Somehow, being 23 at the time totally wiped out how much work experience I actually had to them. I was absolutely treated like a dumb young kid even though I was more experienced than half the people in the office. Depends on the office thank god. I work in an environment where I'm always the youngest person and usually by at least 15 years. Always have since I started. My current job's a lot better about this; they take me seriously no matter what. And that...that...wow.In a professional environment, I still rarely mention my age. I think it detracts from the respect I get.
he demanded to see and approve my outfit
I don't doubt the author's experience, but I have problems with some of her conclusions. Molly Crabapple writes that after 30 you become invisible I never feel invisible in public unless I want to be invisible. I find the article to be unclear and meandering. Eventually she seems to be telling women to not be afraid of getting older: The article says this 1. post marriage #1, and 2. had a small child in towAge is a weapon society uses against women
I prefer to think that "society" is a lot of individuals. We might have to deal with some who seem ageist and we can develop strategies for dealing with them. Ask me if you're interested.Invisibility this way, ma'am
Marvel Comics reinforced this idea, making the only woman in the Fantastic Four "Invisible Girl"
Yes, you get older, but you can also grow tougher, kinder, braver. You can claw out the life you wanted. But as you age, the world will tell you you're less worthy
-- maybe we live in different worlds. My world has generally told me that I am more worthy - (thanks b_b for the ego-boosting pm the other night).Thirty is supposed to be the beginning of the end of hot girlhood.
Is "hot girlhood" a goal? Why? As for companionship, I had more attention, dates, partners after 30 than I ever had before. In addition to being over 30 I was
I'm 25 and while I think I'm pretty and young looking, I've rarely had to deal with men treating me like a sex object. It is probably my personality, the way I dress and the fact that all my friends are guys. I've probably had strangers buy me drinks at bars 5 times, haha... I've never felt like my age. I've normally been treated respectfully, but I haven't been in too many environments where I'd be treated unequally. Even though I've never been harassed about my age(except from my older siblings) I've always been insecure about getting older. It doesn't help that I feel like I wasted the majority of the past 7 years. This article though was like a slap in the face. Why am I ageist against myself?
Um, wiser? That's the one that counts the most, and seems to be lost in this essay. There are obviously qualitative differences in the experience of being a man vs. being a woman, but we all age, and we all reflect as we do (at least, anyone worth talking to does). It seems that the world in which the author lives is a pretty shallow one, as I suppose maybe the life of a model can be. But I don't think it reflects the broader world. I work with with a highly educated group of people, the majority of whom are women, and age is certainly considered a huge positive in that type of environment. Sex and sex appeal are important, but they're not everything. I was excited to turn 30, because I thought it would be easier to be taken seriously. But really, good ideas are what make people take you seriously, no matter what age. There are some things I agree with in this piece, such as her reflections on innocence as a prison, but it seems like she occupies a pretty superficial space on the whole. Don't want to be objectified? Don't become a model, for one. Not that that excuses being treated poorly within that field, but objectification is the whole goddam reason you're there. The entirely of what a camera does to a person is to objectify. You're part of the problem, an active participant in your own objectification, at that point, so it's difficult to take gripes about it seriously.Yes, you get older, but you can also grow tougher, kinder, braver.