So, as part of my return to full time college life this semester I'm going to see a therapist (P.H.D. been practicing for 10 years) weekly to help me deal with the crazy depression I've been working through since senior year of high school. I've been to therapy before, but it was limited run because I went into it considering suicide, and came out of it not considering suicide. But the issue here is who do I tell? My parents know I'm going, as do my little brothers, but I'm not sure if I should tell my friends or romantic interest. Now, as much as possible I try and surround myself with people who don't stigmatize people with mental health issues, and who don't stigmatize seeking help for a diagnosed mental health issue, but the topic still seems... Forbidden somehow. How is your opinion of someone altered if they tell you they are seeing a therapist?
Edit*
I would just like to say that this community has more empathy than a room full of Buddhas. I appreciate the perspective guys.
So let's say you feel close to someone, there are many ways to bring this up. For example: "I had the most interesting session yesterday with my counsellor. He/she helped me understand that I could examine my emotions and question them rather than give them rein." Another way to bring this up is to point to your progress (with a close friend). "I just noticed that a year ago, this remark (comment, feedback, interaction, whatever) would have flattened me. My counsellor helped me and I'm better able to handle it now and see my choices in responding." Does this sound useful to you?How is your opinion of someone altered if they tell you they are seeing a therapist?
I am generally glad to hear it -- whoever they are. Who do I tell?
I'm just guessing, but I suspect you are asking this question because you might want to tell someone. It's absolutely no one's business, but if you begin to feel close to a friend or romantic interest, then it's healthy to not have secrets, to be open about your past and about the future that you are working towards. Keep in mind that much of depression is chemistry and none of depression is your fault.
Definitely helpful. Unfortunately the last bit is sort of off topic, because, even to my close friends and family I appeared 'normal.' My particular struggle occurs late at night generally, when I'm alone, rather than presenting itself in social or semi-social situations.
My first reaction would be "Good for you." Regardless of whatever I knew about your life. Going to a therapist says you are a person who is willing to do work to improve yourself. My second would be to ask if you wanted to talk about it. I'm not your friends and I don't pretend to be an accurate representation of the human race. But if they are going to judge you negatively for it maybe they shouldn't be your friends. Night is not always a friendly time to be alone.
Thanks :] And the strange part of it is, is that I know you're being honest, more so than most people I interact with daily, sad part of life. And my social circle has definitely shrunk from my early college/late high school prime, because I decided to no longer be the one putting in 100% of the effort into maintaining certain kinds of friendships. Part of the pressure for me is the fact that for a long period of time, I was EVERYBODY'S counselor. I was a P.A.L. (Peer Assistant Leader, basically a peer-counselor) when I was in high school, and I've always made it known to my friends and little brothers that if they need to talk about something I'm available. I'm afraid then, that if anyone finds out that I've been in a sticky psychological pickle myself, they won't trust me as a confidant. And it most definitely is not :/
I'm afraid then, that if anyone finds out that I've been in a sticky psychological pickle myself, they won't trust me as a confidant.
My experience is the other way around. When they understand that you are struggling with your own issues, people seem to trust you more -- the relationship becomes more equal, as it should. I could be wrong though.
I totally agree. People are much more afraid of someone they see as a superhero with no problems than they are of someone they perceive to be as flawed as they see themselves. The thing is, everyone is nuts. Some people are more nuts than others, and some people hide it well, but everyone has fears, unfulfilled desires, negative thoughts, feelings of failure, etc.
I give lots and lots of advice as you know. If you don't know that, OftenBen, - see Lil's Book of Questions. I even give advice to people who are sick of hearing advice. I hesitate to say this, but it is possible that the more therapy you have had, the more qualified you are to give advice. So in full disclosure, therapy - let me count the ways: *group therapy for survivors of domestic violence *individual therapy for same and backwards from there. In university, I wish I had had more.
The right person can help a lot - or at least inspire you to look for ways to help yourself. I'm also fond of self-help books, that speak to you at certain times in your life and have discussed that with hubski here.
Well then, and now I'm flattered. I try. I think your social circle generally tends to shrink after high school. This is certainly my experience. It is hard to be everybody's counselor. You need someone you can talk to about you. At the crux that's what a counselor is, right? I think lil is right and that this experience may just make you stronger as someone to lean on. It is sometimes easier to take counsel from someone you know has "been there" before. I acknowledge my answer is what it is in part because I bounced from therapist to therapist for a few years. Nothing will teach you like experience.I know you're being honest
I'd ask them if they liked their therapist and whether or not they took my insurance. I wouldn't think any less or find it at all unusual, because it's not.
is it important to you that people know? would telling them help you with the process? the way I see it, if someone is a close friend of yours, they'll be grateful to know what's happening in your life on a personal level, but also wouldn't feel slighted if they found out and you hadn't told them sooner. any worthwhile friend would be supportive rather than judgmental, right? I think it's important to realize that everyone goes about this kind of thing differently, and what's right for you might not be what's right for someone else. maybe it's a function of living in a city where it seems like one in every three or four people has sought therapy, but it's a topic that is handled casually among the people I know. the problems aren't brushed aside or anything like that, but everyone is more comfortable with the idea of therapy and aware of mental health issues. hopefully you'll have a similar experience. and if it is something new to the people in your life, I hope they'll adjust alongside you. there's no excuse to step between someone and the help they need.
Personally, that's not the kind of thing I ask about people. I have noticed that when the topic comes up, people will generally talk about their own experiences if they feel comfortable within the situation and the people present. It might be something to talk about with someone you're in a relationship with, but if it's just a casual thing, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Basically, I wouldn't wear it on my sleeve or introduce myself as such a person, but I wouldn't bother to hide it either.
I had a romantic interest of over two and a half years once. I ended it not because she was seeing a therapist, but because she was not (and definitely needed to). At some point, you have to detach yourself from a sinking ship if the person is not interested in doing the difficult work of saving themselves. My opinion is that if you are doing the difficult work of overcoming long term depression, you would be best served with an ally in the process. If the person you are with is not the sort who would stand by you in this, then I'm not convinced that person is healthy for you to be seeing. Essentially, your relationship with that person is creating a barrier to your getting well. Even if it is a small barrier, it is pernicious. One should not have to tip-toe around getting better, and ideally close friends and family should have your back. If it were me, I've got close friends and a wife who I would certainly tell. I would have told her before we got married too, but every relationship is different and I totally understand why there could be no small amount of fear involved. At the end of the day though, the closer someone is to you, the more they should have your back in situations exactly like these, in the best of worlds. I personally don't see seeing a doctor for depression, even severe, as a big deal. Everybody goes through it at various times in their life, and if one needs some help managing it long term good on them for taking care of themselves .
Been there; done that. The most recent girl I dated was depressed to the point that she didn't do anything sometimes. It aggravated me, because she was really smart, pretty and talented. I tried to get her to seek help, but she refused. I even offered to pay for the whole thing, because I cared about her, and wanted her to get better. In the end, just like with addicts, you can't help anyone who doesn't want to help themselves.I had a romantic interest of over two and a half years once. I ended it not because she was seeing a therapist, but because she was not (and definitely needed to). At some point, you have to detach yourself from a sinking ship if the person is not interested in doing the difficult work of saving themselves.
Hah. As did I, to no avail. In the wake of the break-up, in one of the few torturous post-parting sobbing, pleading conversations over the phone, she told me that no matter what, dating me was the best thing that happened because she was going to see a doctor, and even if I didn't get back together with her, she was going to see one anyway, and she was finally committed to taking care of herself. Months later I ran into her on the street. Typical awkward ex meeting. I asked her how she was and did she see that doctor. I think you already know what the answer to that question was. I walked away relieved, because it absolutely validated my choice. Even at her darkest, lowest point, I had zero ability to affect whether or not she sought help. Even the destruction of our relationship wasn't enough, and the most she would do is offer lip service. Though I was relieved, I took no pleasure in her predicament. It saddened me greatly, and to this day I find myself really hoping that she's out there somewhere doin alright. I'll not be there to find out though. Ever. And I'm totally cool with that.I even offered to pay for the whole thing,
I'm worried by people that could use some counseling and refuse to get it. Lot of good advice and perspectives in the comments, I don't have much to add. The one thing that I do feel is important about seeing a therapist is do you feel comfortable with them and you are making progress. Going to a therapist that you don't feel comfortable with is very hard. I've known people who have done it for years and they don't seem to get very far. Some times people have a great rapport with their councilor but they aren't making headway on their issues, this is a trap to be avoided. Sometimes a relationship with a councilor just wears out, lots of good progress was made in a persons earlier sessions but it isn't going anywhere now a days. It can be like dating someone you love while you know it won't last but can't cut it off. All that being said sometimes seeing a councilor for a half a dozen sessions might be all it takes to get your feet on the ground other people need years. As long as some progress is being made in the time frame of a few months (and expect to have a few set backs or harder times) than you know you are doing a good thing. Some percentage of the population isn't wired for counseling, their issues just get bigger under the lens of self examination, it's good to figure out if you are one of this tiny number of people before you put a few years in.
Dude, therapy isn't anything to be embarrassed about. It's super common (why do you think there are so many therapists in the world?!). Obviously, any medical issue is private, and it's only anybody's business insofar as you make it their business. But I don't know too many many who would judge anyone for seeing a therapist. I think it's a good idea for anyone, even people who aren't mentally ill, depressed, or going through a great life crisis. Sometimes, it's just good to get the perspective of a well educated stranger, a person whose job it is not to judge. I saw a therapist when I was a teenager, and I thought it did nothing for me. But actually, some of the things we talked about have stuck with me my whole adult life, and have helped me to become the man I am today; I just wasn't mature enough to recognize what good advice he had for me at age 15 and 16. So, my advice is to go, talk freely, and listen intently. Chances are many of the people whom you're close with have been in therapy (or at least have a relative who is/has) recently themselves.