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comment by _refugee_
_refugee_  ·  3987 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Dan Savage on the Virtues of Infidelity - NYTimes.com

I am interested as well. As someone who has been there and done that, I view cheating as "the lazy way to go about it." Cheating takes very little effort and work - not to mention respect. An effective open relationship requires not only honesty with one's partner but with oneself.

As a cheater you can say "I'm a cheater and that's just who I am and eventually, when I want to get out of this relationship, I'll reveal this and it'll be over." Actually a very easy way to break up most of the time, no one wants to be with a cheater. (Sometimes people have tried to argue with me when I have broken up with them. People don't argue if I show up with hickeys though.)

In an open relationship you have to admit to yourself that maybe monogamy isn't for you and that can be kind of scary. It's yet another way one deviates from the norm. You have to be honest and talk about things, which is the hallmark of what the cheater doesn't do. You have to listen to your partner be honest about their feelings and perspective and you have to honor and respect that. Savage is right; it's still work, just perhaps of a different kind.