In my experience, Bangkok is not the most wife-friendly city in SE Asia, especially if one is on a budget. That is not to say that the whole city is the den of sin and iniquity that popular media tries to make it out to be (oh man, I really didn't like that installment of The Hangover . . . so white-man ridiculous). I was there in 2010 when the last political thingy was going on and honestly, I didn't even come into contact with that stuff while I was there. Anyway, a cool time to go might be for Songkran. Bangkok is ok for a few days, but it's not much on scenery. If you plan on ending up in Vietnam, you might as well go through Cambodia, especially since Siem Riep and Ankor Watt are fairly close to the Thai border. From there, you could hit Phnom Penh and then up to Kratie to see those pink river dolphins, if they're still around. From Phnom Penh to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, bus is the cheapest and it takes about 8 hours or so. Just make sure not to bring Baht to Cambodia, since the exchange rate is really shit for anything except dollars, pounds or euros. Pham Ngu Lao street is where most of the backpackers stay in HCMC. District 1 is where most of the fun stuff is. SE Asia is good for jungle stuff and beach stuff on the wife-friendly and gentle travel side of things. You can get real gritty if you want though, very easily. Especially in Cambodia. Rent a dirt bike and start riding. In Northern Vietnam there are motorcycle tours through the mountains. These tours use these shitty old Minsk motorcycles that somehow do pretty well in that environment. A good wife friendly thing about SE Asia is that legitimate massages and spas are very, very cheap. In fact, I used to go to a place to get a sauna, a face massage and a full-body massage, which took about 3 hours all-told, for just about 30 bucks. Just say you want to take her on a spa holiday or something.
I wouldn't plan on spending much time in Bangkok, other than assuming a day or two since that's where I would probably fly in and out of. I have a mix of beach spots and buddhist temple spots on my future itinerary. I'd want to spend more time on the beach, seeing temples, or doing things like the motorbike tours you recommended in the mountains. That to me sounds like my ideal SE Asian vacation. I have little want to spend time in Bangkok or the bigger cities. Awesome advice though. The wife isn't affraid of not having anything to do, as we honestly enjoy the same types of activities and she's not really a spa girl. My wife really wants to go to Japan, but she admits the idea is a bit scary, being the outsider, not speaking the language, being in a place so different. With SE Asia being more "poor" in her eyes, and think that makes things even worse in her mind. Whereas in my mind that makes it more appealing and visceral of an adventure. I figure at least in Europe everyone looks the same and the food is similar everywhere you go, and culture is similar in many ways to the US, but different enough to get her outside of her comfort zone so she sees how awesome of a feeling and experience it is. She also hates flying, because she didn't do much of it when she was younger. I've been working on that with some smaller trips to Vegas and Phoenix a couple times a year. She's deathly affraid of flying the entire time she's on a plane. It didn't help that on our way back from Vegas recently we had to fly through a thunderstorm while landing, and had crosswinds of 40 knots, and gusts of 50. Those are more of my challenges to get over. She'd love to see all these same places, I just need to get her over the feeling of fear she has with traveling abroad, and the flying thing. Super jealous of your SE Asia travels though, I've seen you post about them before. That's kind of my next big travel goal to see. If and when I do get closer to booking I'm probably going to hit you up for some knowledge if you're still around. :)
I can understand a fear of flying. I don't have one personally, but you're right; it is something that needs exposure to (unless that fear has been induced by a plane crash or other accident). You know, I didn't think that I'd be into going to spas myself, but man oh man, a nice long massage after a long bike trip is so, so good. I have friends that really can't stand to be on crowded buses or trains, which are of course, usually the cheapest ways to travel. In Vietnam, it's no problem to get some medication to zonk out on a long ride, or a flight. A doctor in the U.S. might prescribe something for someone who has flight anxiety and it's definitely good to have on hand if that's the case. Anyway, best of luck with those challenges. Western Europe and SE Asia are so much fun to travel around and I really miss easy access to both of those regions. I traveled cheap, but I ate really well and I definitely think that it was a hugely important aspect to the good times I had traveling. I really wish that I were a better photographer, because there are such beautiful things to be seen. Yeah, by all means hit me up if you think I can help when the time comes!