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comment by _refugee_

Obviously not coming at this from the perspective of a parent, and you probably know this already, but just:

make sure she can talk to you about anything. Because in this world, especially if she's attractive, she's going to get fucked over at some point. And I personally believe it's way more important to feel that you can trust, turn to, and rely on your parents than to feel that your parents are always happy with your life decisions.

Now, I don't think that's necessarily something you'll have a problem with, considering this is you we're talking about and you're pretty good at cutting the fat off of things and getting straight to the point and, well, conversing directly. Emphasize that no matter what she does you love her and that her happiness is more important than material "success" in life.

It's probably a really hard tightrope to walk, but I do feel that those parental/child relationships where the child knows that if they fuck up, they can go to the parent and get help first, judging second (or not at all, but we are not lovely angels) then they're going to go to the parent - which then builds the relationship - as opposed to, say, knowing they'll get judged first and maybe help somewhere down the line - are better.

Also, talk to her about sex. And body parts. And all of that.

This, my unsolicited $.02. It's what I believe is fundamentally most important for a good parent/child relationship, good communication and trust, so I can't help putting my nose in here a little bit. Hope you don't mind. I think the earlier you start to do these things the better. Once you set a habit of how you relate to the child I would expect it would be hard to change.





kleinbl00  ·  4019 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yuuup.

Brain Rules for Baby makes the point that it's far more important that your children trust you than that they always obey you.

b_b  ·  4019 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I think even ugly people get treated poorly, perhaps moreso than their attractive counterparts.

_refugee_  ·  4019 days ago  ·  link  ·  

You're right. Generally, I think ugly people get treated worse. There was just that article about how more attractive people get promoted more than less attractive ones, and yet people around them don't even realize it. We, as a society, are definitely biased towards attractive people even if we don't realize it or want to be.

What I'm really referring to is the ugly mess of sexual harassment and men taking advantage of women. Of course, women of all appearances experience this, and it's awful.

I think attractive women become targets of very subtle sexual harassment and I think attractive girls, especially if they mature on the early side, often become targets of harassment and even just plain attention long before they are able to realize what is going on, let alone how to handle it. I think it's easy for young girls not to know what is going on or even why and become confused, blaming themselves and their bodies. I think it's possible for their perspectives to become so warped they don't find themselves attractive or understand why others do. I guess part of what I'm talking about is men/boys hitting on girls long before they're ready, and call me wrong if you think I am, but I think more attractive girls experience this more. And I think it can really screw a young girl up, especially if she doesn't know why it's happening, especially if she turns it against herself.

No matter what kleinbl00's daughter looks like she will have beautiful qualities and she should know that and be told that. She should never feel bad for the way she looks, regardless of how attractive she is by common standards.

My opinions about how girls should feel and be raised are complex and not well put into words. I would have a lot of sorting out to do before I felt I could approach raising one well. Best, best, best of luck to kleinbl00. Make her feel valued and loved and I think you'll have a great foundation.

Kids fuck up. They always do. You've just gotta be there to help them bounce back.