It ultimately is something that you decide for yourself. If you die after deciding to give your life, you are fulfilling your own wishes and motivations because you have decided that it's the right thing that reflects your morals. Fulfilling your own wishes is a form of narcissism.
It may be not random, but not random does not mean "thought out" or "pre-meditated". If you act by reflex or impulse, of course there are factors that influenced your reaction, but that does not mean you even agree with your reaction. If we take the fight or flight response for example, I might think I would rather fight and if given the time to decide, that's what I would do. But on impulse, I run away even if I didn't really want to do it. But well that's all speculation, I don't know much about philosophy/ psychology.