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comment by Kaius
Kaius  ·  4062 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Writers of Hubski: Write a captivating first line...

  He could still hear those words, 'Try to be happy'.  
  It had been 6 years but his young sons final words had haunted Martin every day since he had heard them.
meh, not great.




Kaius  ·  4062 days ago  ·  link  ·  

  She watched the smoke as it rose and hung above them, 'yes' she lied, 'i am happy', the cloud of smoke moved and swirled as he rose from the bed, its shape disturbed by some invisible energy from which he was the source.
God this is getting worse....
thenewgreen  ·  4062 days ago  ·  link  ·  

This may work even better without the first line. Later in the story you could reveal what it was the son said, or better yet never reveal it. Sometimes letting the reader postulate is more powerful.

Kaius  ·  4062 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Agreed

Kaius  ·  4062 days ago  ·  link  ·  

  'There is an art to it' the man said, 'really' Martin replied his voice distant as if he was far away, 'oh yes, not just any rope will do, and the knot has to be just right' said the man, 'get on with it' Martin replied.
I'm cheating with the 'single line' here.
Kaius  ·  4062 days ago  ·  link  ·  

  The tattoo started just above her navel, a single green vine with small blue flowers, it curled over towards her left hip before diving below the top of her skirt, 'I'll need to get to the root of that' Martin thought.
Kaius  ·  4061 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Its interesting that I liked this one the most and it got no vote-love.