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comment by erin
erin  ·  4090 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Do you feel whole?

No.

I used to feel whole, or at least close to it when I was an undergrad. At 21, I experienced something very traumatic. I have not felt whole since, and I have given up the idea that I will ever be whole again.

I recently had a very supportive professor who challenged me intellectually. I found myself confronting personal struggles to succeed. By the end of the course, I felt like I found a little piece of myself after many years.

The sad thing is, the connection with this professor dissolved after the course ended. I hoped the experience would have fostered, at the very least, a working relationship. I am not really sure where it stands now. It feels like a little bit of the personal gain has been chipped away because of the situation.





digital_carver  ·  4070 days ago  ·  link  ·  

My experience is very similar to yours, down to the age of the loss. It's a wholly different way of experiencing the world, a subjectively better way, people who assume it is "boring" and such don't actually know what they are talking about (or are intentionally using a different definition of "being whole").

I'm still holding out hope of recovering the feeling and get back to the better life though. I have a hunch meditation and related stuff can help with that.