When I was depressed, I used to enjoy the deep sadness that came along with it. It was a mix of loneliness, melancholy, self-pity, and worthlessness followed by a "releasing" feeling. I honestly don't know how to describe it. This is usually when the suicidal ideation comes in. Now that I'm better, I tend to miss that sadness from time to time. There was something deep and beautiful about it. Like I'm floating in a warm ocean ready to consume me any second.
The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Truth be told, I'm not really that far into it. I'm enjoying it though. There is something about it that I just can't quite... put into words? I don't know. Always been a reader of sci-fi and fantasy and never really touched on classic literature. So I figured I might as well start somewhere.
Emancipator is my go to study music but I usually don't listen to music when I'm studying.
JMSN - Love & Pain If you're into The Weeknd, Frank Ocean, check this guy out. Similar style, but much better in my opinion.
You might have had what is called the Arising and Passing Away, it is a step everyone who meditates (and even those who don't) eventually travel through. More info here: http://integrateddaniel.info/the-arising-and-passing-away/
Hey, I'm curious: do you feel like that experience has had an impact on your life?