I came on here at 3 in the morning with a blistering, peeling, agonizing no. There was this friend I had that I swear was a soul mate, but it went down an inevitable road when I had to choose between helping my family or her. I could have, should have, would have handled it better. I went down a road of self-destruction after our fight. I tried calling again this year, but it ended on the same note. Now more than half of my friends are off at universities or not talking to me. I need goals, but I can't find anything I burn for anymore. Writing feelings, creating things now makes me cry. After a year of this, shouldn't it heal over? Why am I dressed in an old performance costume, crying, and trying to get a grip? It never hurt this much when I lost my friend in a car accident. I can understand death. Why are these tides of life so tireless? The waves only ingrain the feeling deeper and cause me to wonder why I'm giving my soul become so littered. There's either moments where I think of only how I could get hurt or there's an outpouring of personal emotions. It's unhealthy. I don't even know how to strengthen my current friendships much less create new ones. I just want to scream and break things and tell my business degree to go to hell and feel alive again!