...and, rejected. The girl turned out to be hell of a shy one. She was very uncomfortable after I asked her out. Eyes low and away from me, uncertainty of phrasing ("Me? Well... I don't know... Write me [through the social network], if you want..."), nothing specific and certainly no "Fuck yeah, let's go out" - which, I believe, means I have nothing of interest to look for here.

It's a good thing. I figured: if she doesn't want to spend time with me on her own, why am I to chase her, to persuade her to do so? why am I to want to spend time with her - a person not interested in me?

Now, granted, I was a bit too far from appealing as I approached her. I looked good as always, but I spoke very quietly - even by my own standards. I was nervous and wasn't prepared for when she came out of the lecture room; could I ever be? Either way, my performance wasn't as good as I was high-hoping for, but - I did it; even the self-hater in myself can't deny that, or that it was good.

I feel like I'm unconsciously looking for such girls: shy, insecure or unconfident, as if to feel superior to them in a twisted way. This isn't what I consciously want: I want to find a person who'd want to be with me without me having to persuade them. How big of a part is my performance in convincing a girl? how much my (perceived) confidence matters as I ask her out?