This idea is a good one. Try to remember that whether or not dishonesty is intentional, it hurts just the same. And I think you mentioned another time recently you were a little dishonest, this makes it harder the second time to believe what you say in the heat of the moment. Usually, from my experience, the guy will come around when he calms down.

I emailed him a list of truths. At least 20 different important things about me and any secrets I may have carried throughout my life. Most of it he already knew but I went through everything in my life and tried to think of EVERYTHING important and share it with him and told him if there was something that comes up that I didn't mention its because I sincerely forgot about it. I think it was an action step in the right direction.

You're with you, in your head 24/7. If you don't tell people things the first time they come up for you, you have to find a perfect future moment to bring up the fact that somehow the thing you've been hiding fits into...which is kind of terrible, but is also kind of an art.

Ya, that was my problem with the drugs. He's willing to work on things and we have a plan to give each other space and detox me off. We leave for Cali so I can be under my parents care on Monday and he flies home Monday night leaving me there. The good news is I'm already down on the drugs. Only taking my prescribed dose yesterday and surviving. Today I plan to take none with the option of taking just one if the pain so warrants it. OR maybe even a half if I can. I'm going to have to go a few days without to make my script last but, I dug my own grave on that one. So, the process has been at least started before I even got to Cali which is good.

Anyway, again thank you for all your time on this and thoughts, you've been nothing but encouraging whereas I had to delete posts on Reddit because people were like, "lying dirty whore" and that served to help no one.

I have my flaws, and I'm sick of being strong, but being strong is something I'm good at so I'll work through these and this even though I have feelings of self-doubt, self-hate, and worthlessness.