Hello!

I know, I have been a virtual ghost. Thank you everyone who's shouted out to me on anything and or messaged me, etc. I have looked at everything, I have probably not read all of it or even most, but I have gotten in bits here and there.

So why have I been so gosh-darned busy that my activity on Hubski has (probably actually for the first time ever) been noticeably - inactive? WELL! Within the past 7 days, I've:

- Moved (exactly 1 week ago)

- Dropped my one and only big brother off at the airport so he could move to Portland, OR, a place I have never been to. (exactly 1 week ago)

- Said goodbye to my favorite erstwhile bartender/sometime crush, who is moving to LA

- Had the worst hangover of my life (day after bartender's going away party)

- Walked on average 12,800-odd steps a day (peak: 19585; low is in the 8000s I think)

- Signed up for yoga classes that someone bought me a gift certificate for like, 5 years ago

- Actually finally put up a Kenning Journal blog post again

- Showed a little backbone to my parents and sister (on separate occasions, but which was very needed)

- Cooked a guy a really nice dinner

I mean, other things in there as well. But basically I've been radio silent because I have been busy, busy, busy. And walking, walking, walking. Hopefully it'll be good for my head and my body and also that aggressive thing we've talked about on and off - natch?

The new house is in a lovely wooded area slightly removed from my favorite town ever, which is eminently walkable. The location is amazing. My roommates? Not so much. They are 2 confirmed gay bachelor men. I know for sure one is a slob. I have a sinking suspicion that the other one is, too. My cat is still adjusting so that's been stressful too - there's been an amount of second-guessing myself about this move. However, in the long run, I think it will be amazing. The location is just spectacular, I will get these men whipped into shape/afraid of me/to wash their dishes within a reasonable time after dirtying them, and I keep reminding myself that I made the very conscious choice (though not perhaps phrased exactly this way) of freedom over luxury. Living with my parents was very easy in many ways. Comparatively, it truly was a luxurious way of life - they have a biweekly maid, for instance, so cleaning just was never an issue. And a dishwasher. And my queen-size bed didn't fill up about 1/3 of the room. BUT, I always felt I had to operate within their parameters. And the truth was that if I didn't - if I tried to just ignore "what they might think" and do what I wanted, like wear certain clothing, eat certain food at certain times, make certain food, buy things, etc - they would immediately begin to try and check my behavior via critical comments, etc. And yes, words never stopped nobody who really wanted something but I just god-damned didn't want to have to think about their opinions any more. If I wanted to buy a bottle of wine and make myself a nice fat "treat" dinner, I'd either have to deal with their comments ("Oh, steak, eh? How expensive was that?" "Oh, that's really rare. Are you sure you like it that rare? Mm. I couldn't eat that" "Did you make some for me?") and/or expectations about my actions - like that I would buy enough and make enough for all 3 of us, etc. I was really tired of my mom giving unsolicited and negative feedback about the clothes that I like to wear. (She hates my favorite shirt.) I just constantly felt burdened and under scrutiny at their house, while also wanting to maintain a positive relationship and therefore not just be like "FUCK YOU!"

I've also become convinced it's simply not possible to have an adult relationship with your parents while you are living in their house. (I don't think my parents know how to try to have an adult relationship with me.)

The kicker is that as I was moving out my mom commented that I could/should just stay and that she thought "I'd be fine staying at home for another 18 months before I go to grad school." While it's gratifying to know that I kept my cool about the whole situation with them, it also struck me that of course the king and queen of the castle wouldn't be able to understand why their underlings might really want to skip town! When you are benefitting from the oppression of others, (yes oppression is a strong word, but I can't find a better one right now) you often don't realize it and also completely don't understand why things need to change, or even why your underlings are unhappy with you. BECAUSE YOU'RE SITTING ON THE DING-DANG THRONE.

This has become an unintended rant. I could go on. I could rant to you about my sister, too, but the truth is? I'm pretty happy, pretty positive, feeling pretty good about myself and hoping for/shooting for better. I managed to snag OftenBen on IRC last night and congratulate him.

Hopefully I will have more OC, blog posts, and even not-by-me posts to share with you all soon. It has been crazy, crazy busy - but all in very good ways.

I think this shall be a lovely summer.

(At my new house I have already seen/heard: foxes, raccoons, several neighborhood cats, goslings, and deer. In ONE week. :D )