My parents just celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary, which I think is great and beautiful. However, I think their marriage is far from the "ideal." My brother focuses on the generally-supposed 'fact' that they haven't had sex in years. It makes me sad when my dad sleeps on the couch (nearly every night) and my mom alone in their bed. They don't sleep like that because they're fighting - nonsense with an old salty cat who will pee on the floor if not let out almost every day in the wee hours of the morning - but I feel like if I were to get married, and stay married, I'd want to want to touch my partner. I'd want to want to sleep with them. Not even sex - but that side-by-side sleep-partner contact, minimum. Sex is important, too, of course, but I wanted to establish a sort of minimum.

I think my mother feels alone a lot. She's a bit of a needy person so that has to be taken with a grain of salt, and that's also what happens when you make your life mostly about your kids and then they move out (as kids are wont to do) but it's still kind of sad. I think/hope that my being there helps her.

They spend a lot of time in each other's company, and I do think that's part of what marriage is about: companionship, as well as trust.

It just presents this interesting model of "Yes, my parents have stayed married, and that's admirable, but I don't know if what they have is really what I would want." - OR, if I am idealistic about long-term relationships. OR, if my parents' physical/personal desires aren't the same as mine (at least in my mother's case, very likely). OR, they are together, but how happy are they? Does my dad wish he still got laid? (Maybe they had anniversary sex while they were away this weekend! If they did, that would make me happy for them. I don't know how likely it is, but also, I'll never know.)

I think if I were ever to get to that point the idea of actually entering the legal contract and fully committing would scare the shit out of me. Because there's a difference between "I love you and I'll be here forever and that's just kind of a given" and "I love you and I've sworn to be here forever and this is a legal/social commitment/acknowledgement of our relationship."

But hopefully if I ever were to get to that point, I would trust my partner enough that I would be able to do it :)