So, care to share yours as well?
This seems to be cynical job descriptions... If I play along with the cynicism:
Researching methods for visualizing and analyzing large-scale scientific data that will never get used because "real scientists" don't trust computer scientists (computer science is easy) and will just write their own shitty, serial, ad-hoc code, anyways. If I go with my "honest" job description, just truncate it:
Researching methods for visualizing and analyzing large-scale scientific data.
Making sub-optimal code given to my team run optimally for thousands of clients that happen to all be big banks who complain if a response time for pulling thousands of loans should happen to run more than 3 seconds. Otherwise I stare at xml config files and IIS stuff all day and drink coffee.
Making poorly put together plans happen with a minimal amount of problems. Corralling other coworkers to do the same. And in the morning I make coffee.
Convince businesses that our premium product has enough value to justify the increased costs associated with it. Do this with enough businesses so that I make goal early and can take the 4th quarter off (shh)