I went on a reprieve for a while, which is why I wasn't online at all. I'm not doing this without my fiancee again.

Next week marks a year of us being together.

We have decided on a boat wedding.

It is lovely.

I have taken a break from everything and the massive overhaul wasn't easy. I have also taken it upon myself to quit smoking all together for 2 weeks. I have since backtracked, but at least I know I can now do it.

I am hoping to attend one class before the year ends.

I know what I want to do. It's nice.

I've managed to actually make computer books interesting again. I've managed to make the last medication I was on an allergy for me.

It's mindblowing. I've never felt this compassionate towards my partner before.

I would tell people.... you know that feeling when you love someone, but don't like them?

There was a reason I didn't like myself to the point of wanting to burn out, only less than 2 years ago.

Sure, I had an ego. Loved myself so much in a way that only the sympathetic ear and loving touch of a creator can understand. Many people told me to write a book.

But I had wanted to fundamentally fix myself before making something for others to consume again.

I used to get a lot of scathing accounts from others in the past. I would hear a lot worse before my life started over. Using people- especially in relationships- why, that is probably why I disliked myself. It actually took a lot of visits to the hospital, lots of therapy, and lots of drugs for comprehension to set back shop.

I lost a lot in it due to grief.

That being said, I consider myself a different person today. The woman my fiancee knows of today is a much kinder, genuine soul. I'm lucky to have learned how serious my addictions truly changed me over the years. I am lucky to have had the ability to record and perform, regardless of how anyone else has felt about it. Above all else, I am glad that the idea of ego being a privilege and something to be cultivated, carefully, is what I needed to focus on before going on to the next chapter of my life.

For now, I say Happy Holiday seasonal tidings!

I will be quite busy over the next couple of weeks, but I thought to check in.

Thank you all for being here and always being a nice part of the internet (y'all are on my homepage.)