My last final is December 14th then I'll be free from undergrad. The goal is to not do a Masters because I'm pretty much over school after 17 years of it, but that is looking more and more unlikely. Most public health jobs want an MPH. My favorite part is that top MPH programs also tend to want two years of job experience before you apply. The real world is fucked. The Job search is going pretty poorly. Applied for probably around 25 this semester and most of them have been ignoring me. At least some of them straight up said no so that was nice. What a demoralizing thing job searching is. There is one glimmer of hope. The health department I interned at this summer is applying for a grant. My supervisor from the internship called me up Monday and told me about the job, reiterated how well I did over the summer and how at some point while talking about the grant with the department heads, my name came up as someone who would fit should they get the grant. So I might have that, but it is dependent on the grant situation, and even then I would still likely have to apply and beat out some competition. It's also only a nine month grant if they do get it, so it's far from a permanent job. But I'm a little hopeful. I dropped out of therapy after six or so weeks. I realized I wasn't being honest with dude and that's not good. It also felt like he was focusing too much on my procrastination and not enough on my past traumas, and I didn't like that. I don't want my parents knowing about me going to therapy or anything, so once I graduate and go home, I won't be finding a place to try again. Once I move out and have my own health insurance though, I can try again. nowaypablo the Reignwolf concert was unreal. What an incredible showman he is. The venue wasn't more than 50 people which for a Monday for some guy with almost no music released is relatively understandable. The band played in the crowd the entire show, and at one point, Jordan went up to the second floor balcony lugging an amp and his guitar and played some up there. The opener was a band called Bones Owens. They were great too, which for small concerts almost never happens. The Portugal. the Man concert was everything I hoped it would be and more. Still the greatest band of all time. I love how in live shows they meld songs together and cover a ton of stuff. They also brought up a few people from local tribes to the stage to talk before the show which was really awesome. They performed a traditional song too. It was really moving and unique. I'm at a really cool part in life with so many unknowns next which is scary, but incredibly exciting too. What might be some cool cities I should scope out for jobs other than just applying for the job I want in various cities? I can look for a city and just apply for jobs there too. I love nature so I've been looking at places like Portland, OR and Seattle. I also love music and small concerts, and those cities both have good scenes for those. Where am I not looking that I should be, oh great infinite wisdom of Hubski?
Had my Big Presentation the other day. It was for the same client that I bombed my presentation with a month or so ago. I was genuinely worried, since the result would be presented (and had to convince) some twenty-odd wethouders, which are municipal executives. In other words, two dozen cocksure suits who are more than happy to derail your story if it makes them look better. Tough crowd, but it went about as well as it could've. Did my best to make sure that the end result was as good as I could make it which made me much more confident in my presentation. I think it showed. And as icing on the cake I heard that day that my first year contract will become a fixed contract, which is something of a rare good these days. My superior said the decision was 'a no-brainer'. The details will be discussed in a contract renewal meeting, and I've been wondering how to approach it. Negotiations seem more hard when it's already pretty clear I won't leave - feels like it gives me less leverage. On the other hand, I'm thinking about writing a long ass list about the various ways in which I am vital to the company, which should give me the ammunition I need to get the most out of such a conversation. Fundamentally, though, I don't really care about the money; if I did I would be in some boring IT job by now. But I don't want to be undervalued, whatever that means for me...
Oh my god it's Wednesday again already. I got a new job. Lab Director at a new startup company. There's some risk involved, but damn this could be great. The place is awesome, the people are awesome, and there's a lot of potential for growth. I can feel some millennial pessimism start to slough off already. I'm going to be very busy for a while though. I'm actually going to be part-time for my old and new positions for a bit. I haven't even started The Martian Chronicles for #scificlub yet. I'll get some headway before the arbitrary discussion date later this week.
I'm thinking about traveling less to save money and buy a house. I don't know how I feel about that. Travel seems to be part of my identity, but my perception of who I am or how I think others think of me is a terrible reason to keep traveling. The mountains aren't going anywhere, and at the rate the snow is piling up, winter will be here for several months. I can look for better airfare after the New Year.
I'm not really all that mobile day-to-day. I've been in my condo almost thirteen years and at the same job fifteen. Nobody would care if I didn't travel, but it's like my persona is wrapped up in it. Changing that, even if it's definitely what I want, feels uncomfortable. But my own walls and space sounds really nice, and I've been enjoying running and swimming locally.
Because you didn't ask, I'm gonna weigh in here... Buying a house is isolating. Traveling is social. Every traveler I have known, that has bought a house, has eventually started to travel again, seen the house as a burden, and sold it. If you need to buy something to self-validate, buy a condo. No lawn upkeep. No plumbing issues. No worries that the homeless/meth heads are going to move in while you are gone. And, you can lock the door and go away for 5 months, any day of the week. Buy a house if you really want THAT house, and want to live in it every day. Otherwise, screw it. The economy is heading for a nosedive soon, so you won't be missing out on much, financially speaking.
You buy a house because you want to stay put and raise a kid. Or because you bought a du/tri/quad-plex and that makes financial sense. It is hugely isolating because houses are rarely located in central city hubs and services and so you end up living far away from everything.
I have a condo now but want a little more of my own space. Regarding the pending nosedive, I agree and am not in that much of a rush. It's more, saving now will give me more options later. I'm not really a five month traveler and more of a "annually three one week trips and three more long weekends" kind of traveler. I think I can manage that with a house (for a cost).
I'm sort of trending that way. In 2017 I took six trips (I think). I could do two. It would still be rewarding.
I've been avoiding making a third appointment with my therapist for quite some time. Basically, he highly recommended that I find a GP and a psychiatrist here, and I was too freaked out to make those two calls, so I just didn't schedule another appointment with him either. Today I finally got off my ass and emailed him to explain the situation. I'm hoping we can start working on my social anxiety as well as depression, and move forward from there. He hasn't replied yet, but fingers crossed that I can get an appointment relatively soon. I also still have the book I borrowed from him, so, y'know, he has incentive to respond :D I started talking to my recent ex again after about 2 weeks of no contact. I think we can seriously transition into friendship in a way that seems healthy for both of us, which is cool, because we both still really care about each other and enjoy spending time together. It's only been a day or two, so we're still figuring it out and figuring out if this is even gonna work, but I hope it does. I could use another close friend. Can't wait to go home for Christmas! Less than a month and I'll be back in Texas. Fuck, I'm really excited, guys. And all my friends are gonna be there at the same time as me, most of them with a bunch of free time. It'll be a cool two weeks.
Tried ordering a drink but then I realized I have chemistry class in ten minutes. Life is shit but it keeps getting better everyday. Everyday I realize more and more things that I wish I understood when I was 16. The ultimate "realization" recently was how to deal with anxiety, especially in a university environment. The worst thing you can do in that situation is go home and collapse into the fetal position. One has to do the exact opposite. It must be confronted with a personal act of courage in the present moment. Doing this is nigh impossible but focus on the word nigh. Ask a question in class. Go to office hours. Prof is a dick who likes to pick on students? Sit in the front row and get ready. Roast him back when you realize he screwed up the matrix multiplication. If you can do this the anxiety quickly changes into a feeling of empowerment. Now I have moved from the point of falling asleep to a 12 hour physics grind. See you at midnight when I finally collapse from doing rotational motion problems.
I've slowed down. The Big Work Project is done. Shipped. Off my plate. Everyone is impressed with the work I did. And now my plate at work is empty. And I am enjoying having a bit of a break. Things look like they may be slow into the new year, so finding something I can do with my time at my desk, that looks convincingly like "work", is the order of the day. I did a LOT of work this year. I've earned a bit of a break. My new motorcycle is amazing. In 3 days I rode close to 400 miles. I also showed it to a pinstriper who has some really cool ideas for painting it. Give it that 50's hot-rod kind of feel... I found a new game for my iPhone called "FROST". It's lovely. Quiet. Atmospheric. No timer. No points. Just gorgeous graphics of particles interacting with each other. Each level is a discovery process, figuring out what the puzzle is, and how to make the particles interact properly, to clear the level. It's mellow and I love it. Got HUGE travel plans for this year... the wife and I are going to follow our Seattle rugby team to a bunch of away games, so we can do some weekend getaways to cities that might not be on our To Do List otherwise... NYC, NOLA, Austin, Denver, Toronto, LA... I'm really looking forward to it! Our travel has mostly been driving somewhere interesting (BC, Burning Man, etc.) together, but going to England and Scotland for our honeymoon made us realize we want to do more longer-distance travel, too. And I honestly haven't traveled much in the USA. Been to way more countries than States! But now it is winter time. I'm wrapping myself up in a virtual warm blanket, and awaiting the end of the year...
I've got this giant skin inflammation and its bugging the fuck out of me. That's been my painful couple of weeks. Thankfully, I have started getting paid again as well.