They took out my grandmother's tumor and now she doesn't have cancer anymore. To compensate, my mom totaled her car (now bringing the number of my immediate family members who have totaled 2+ cars up to 3) and my one cousin who's my age and has had a serious on and off heroin problem since before I started smoking pot has been disappeared for two months. Don't worry, cops are on it. I mean, if I'm going to go to a funeral that's not my grandmothers, I can admit one for the long-time heroin addict with a criminal record who used to rob her family for drug money because she knew they wouldn't call the cops on her is, well...at least a predictable option.
Haha! You make me feel better with your heroin addict family stories. I've had two that sound like the spitting image of your cousin, one of whom is currently in play, the other ten years clean. Both stole money (significant sums) and both disappeared from time to time leaving us waiting for a call to come look at the body. It's horrible but also nice to hear we all deal with the same bullshit.