Voted in the Dutch elections today! Ended up voting for the Green-Left party. From 9pm on I'm gonna grab some popcorn and watch the polls roll in. Anyone up for IRC tonight? edit: me and a few friends also made our educated guesses for the division of parliamentary seats. Yellow is our average. This is what a splintered democracy looks like, in case anyone was wondering. ;) 
For those of us who would rather hit it with Colloquy or the like, that link is the bane of our existence. Hubski-hosted IRC craps out with like eight real humans in it and the interface often hates your name. Plus the fact that there are about nine idlers in there that have been idlers in there since 2013 is exasperating.
So apparently it snowed yesterday. Like four feet. But I got a great hike in Monday! I can never seem to get my panoramas straight. This is from Saddleback Mountain in Adirondack Park. Basin is the big mountain in front. Haystack is behind it to the left, and Marcy is just to the right.
All great mountains. You snowed in like everyone else?
I'm free! My B&B host in Keene Valley (shout out to the wonderful Snow Goose) got us dug out, and I'm having lunch in Lake Placid now while I wait to check into my hotel for the rest of the week. This is one of those storms people will talk about for years. I'm planning to hike tomorrow. The goal is Colden, but if I make it to Marcy Dam (like two miles) I'll feel pretty good.
If you want a surprisingly pleasant hike in Madison, I recommend the segment of the Ice Age Trail that runs through the University Ridge golf course. You can park at the research center off Pleasant View and hike through to the west end of the course. I expected it to be a bland walk across a golf course, but it was great. Or just walk in the Arboretum. The path that runs along the south side of Lake Wingra is great. The Arboretum trails are the kind one can do in a pair of old running shoes and blue jeans. No fancy hiking gear is needed (unless it's snowy or icy).
I'm probably back off to Canada for 3 weeks later this year. This time exploring the east coast. We'll be starting in Toronto and following the coastline round to Halifax, then back to Toronto via train or plane. So that should be pretty great. I've just gotten over a bit of a unproductive/unenthused slump of a week or two. I've got about 5 tracks finished of the album I'm working on (from a composition standpoint, they still require post-production) and I've just started another. However this new one accidentally has a very similar motif to the track I just finished, albeit in a different key and time signature. I'm going to keep it though and make one track the opener of the album and other the closer, so a sort of reprise. I've been unhappy with my contribution to Hubski recently. I really wish to post and talk more with all the great people here, and foster stronger relationships. But at the same time I rarely have anything that worthwhile to add to the majority of conversations on this site. And I don't want to just comment for the hell of it. Part of it is I that don't have that many strong opinions on things. I find a lot of the topics discussed interesting, but when it comes to having a say I don't feel that I have a strong enough connection to them to make a valid contribution. I guess that's personal issue to explore.
Share what you find is interesting and say why you think it is. It's amazing how many fruitful conversations can come from even a small, offhand comment.I don't want to just comment for the hell of it. Part of it is I that don't have that many strong opinions on things. I find a lot of the topics discussed interesting, but when it comes to having a say I don't feel that I have a strong enough connection to them to make a valid contribution.
But at the same time I rarely have anything that worthwhile to add to the majority of conversations on this site.
-First of all, that is impossible. Secondly, share your music. You're a phenomenal musician.
I appreciate the kind words, tng. Here's a temporary link to my latest track if you'd like to hear: https://clyp.it/5jjzt00j?token=7fb9e741156215bdf16c0cf416a070a6
I know I'd be excited to hear what you've got going on in the music works. As for the repetition of the theme, one of the musical realizations ive had over time is that most notable musicians and acts find a niche that works and stay in it. I think a lot of musicians feel the need to always play the most varied repertoire and not revisit the same ideas over and over again, but the famous musicians you can recognize instantly by hearing them do just that. Good taste doesn't necessarily preclude dressing up the same things over and over again.
I wasn't going to share anything until I felt the collection was done, but here's a temporary private link to my most recently complete track: https://clyp.it/5jjzt00j?token=7fb9e741156215bdf16c0cf416a070a6 I like your take on revisiting ideas. A composer who springs to mind is Steve Reich and his contrapuntal works. From a macro perspective they can sound quite similar, but once you get into the piece there's lots of new things to hear. But yeah, trying to make something completely different for each piece is something I've struggled with for years and it's only in the last 12 months that I've started to hone in on sound of my own.
The kid's sick. Coughing bad, up about six times last night, hitting the inhaler. She sucks at blowing her nose which means she slurps it all in which means she pukes it back up. So whatever I intended to do today it better incorporate a sick four-year-old. Found myself last night spinning myself into worrying it was Cystic Fibrosis. It's not. It's a cold. But it sure gives you pause because for some parents out there, it is Cystic Fibrosis and goddamn that must be a 20-year-ride of heartbreak and terror. This kid? This kid had a peanut scare last week but she puked it back up rather than getting airway shit like she used to. And she's had some truly terrifying bouts of croup but she's never scored over a three and you gotta get to like eight before anybody worries. - Elizabeth Stone I think Ms. Stone was talking about emotions but fuckin'A the hard part is how goddamn fragile they are. I mean, fuck. We've got an open house not this weekend, but next weekend. $1400 worth of catered munchies. Invites and schmoozing and all things wonderful. It's almost the point where I can consider the damn thing done; we've got two women vying to be the first to have a baby in there and the front-runner is showing no signs while the runner up appears to be warming up. Which, hey - the front runner is the hot one. Any birth photography will be hella better. Fucked up my leg three weeks ago, probably by not stretching for ten years and being 42. Being able to run only every other day or so caused me to gain seven pounds in three weeks. Went to get my blood tests done; all normal. Doctor asked if I was relieved; I told her that it took me three weeks to gain back what it took me a year to lose when I'm only running five miles a week and that I found that frustrating as hell, actually. She tried to suggest (again) it's probably because I'm having three frappuccinos a day and when I suggested that no, I actually understand nutrition and have been maintaining a diet diary since 2011 I think I finally cracked through. So now I've got an appointment with a nutritionist, a follow-up with an endocrinologist in the referrals and blood tests to explore the idea that I have a pituitary tumor. Second physical therapy appointment is tomorrow. My insurance is paying for someone to teach me how to run again because fuckin' A my waistline depends on it. Got a gift certificate for a massage for Christmas. It's a nice lady whom my mother-in-law has probably given $10k to over the past ten years. She's a great massage therapist, but she's also a yoga instructor. So I traded my massage certificate for a yoga certificate and went yesterday. There's a world of difference between doing yoga as intended and the gymbro buttrock-fueled Bikram bullshit I ended up doing last year.“Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.”
...Between you, mk, and snoodog, Hubski is starting to feel like a persuasive argument for contraception. I hope your daughter gets better, though, and you don't spend too long on the medical professional treadmill.
I look at my daughter and am sometimes overcome by feelings of terror. It's led me to wonder if these feelings diminish with a brood > 1. It's nutty and unfounded and difficult, but I suggest the 72 fast. For some reason it undid so much wrong with my own health. I was seeing an infectious disease doc, getting tested for HIV, lupus, etc., and for no reason my shoulder hurt such that I couldn't put my coat on normally. 72 hours of not feeding myself seemed to do the trick.
72 hours of not feeding myself was a dreary commonplace when I was a teenager. I absolutely can go days at a time without eating. It got me down to 137 from 237 in the space of four months. It also makes me light-headed and despondent. I've pretty much gotten used to being dizzy and despairing by 4pm. Eating enough to not be that way means I gain a pound a day. When I was riding to work I had to time dinner such that I actually had enough available calories to make it home without seeing stars. And still I lost no weight.
I know you mean well, but "worth getting to the bottom of it" means four doctor visits' worth of "surely it's because you're an idiot." if it's fluid, that means that my metabolism depends on me sweating out approximately a cup of water a day in order to function correctly. It would also mean the weight would go as quickly as it comes. If I have three slices of pizza and a beer, the scale will have a number 2 1/2 lbs higher the next day. Doesn't matter if I biked two hours beforehand; if I want it to go back down I have to eat sparingly and exercise strenuously for two weeks. That's assuming my routine doesn't already include strenuous exercise, in which case, forget it. It's just there. The summer I spent working out, running 30 miles a week and hiking 8 miles per weekend added 30 lbs to my frame that didn't come off for ten years because it came on through exercise and then never left.
What did you allow yourself to ingest during the 72 hour fast? Just water? Any clear liquid?
I've read this sentence a few times now... it makes me chuckle out loud EVERY time. I love yoga... I don't know why I don't do it more often.There's a world of difference between doing yoga as intended and the gymbro buttrock-fueled Bikram bullshit I ended up doing last year.
Last night I was working out in a hotel room in coastal Virginia, listening to Cheap Girls. I started thinking about this combination of work travel, fitness, music, and realized that if somebody asked me "who are you?", I wouldn't have a good answer to respond with. My interests and my profession don't exactly line up, most engineers in manufacturing are boring, or value things I don't (sports not named baseball/soccer, cars, etc.), and I don't know. Made this long, rambling post on Instagram the other day about feeling like a stranger to myself and the Northwest, guess I'm still working through a lot of things.
People My desire to get out and be part of the world is partly successful and partly failing. I’m quickly learning that making friends out of strangers requires a great deal of effort even when you’re an easy going guy, comfortable talking about nearly anything with nearly anyone. So I’m dialing back on my ambitions on that due to the fact that I’m often burned out as it is and I can only stretch myself in so many directions. I’m also quickly learning that taking friends and putting them in new positions reveals an asston about them, about yourself, and about your relationships together. Also, I had a friend recently recruit me and my wife to meet her and a guy she liked and give them something to do and it was flattering that she asked and exciting as hell to hear afterwards that it went so well. They have a date today. I’m gonna text her tonight to see how it goes. Cars I always make sure to stay up to date on the maintenance of my car. Engine and fluids, suspension, tires, etc. etc. In other ways though, it’s slowly turning into a jalopy. The weather stripping on the driver’s side door needs to be replaced badly. The paint, being cheap and shitty Subaru paint, has touch up filled rock chips and swirls in the clear coat galore. A corner of the cabin dome light has come undone and pushing it back in only sometimes works and when it does, only works for a temporary period before it comes undone again. It’s been in three hailstorms in as many years and has the dimples to show that I would get fixed except A) there will be more hailstorms, B) it has the rock chips and door dings of a daily driver to go with the dimples, and C) it still looks good from 10 feet or more if you’re not in direct sunlight bobbing and weaving your head so you can spot the dimples. What I’m getting at is my car is in great shape where it counts, yet feels so far removed from “new” now that I love it more than ever. There’s a familiarity and comfort in the flaws that have transformed it from my “car” to “my car.” I haven’t felt this way about a car since my busted ass, unreliable, piece of shit, had to sell for $500 to make rent El Camino. I’m gonna drive this baby until the wheels fall off. Drawing Yesterday, I drew a bear taking a shit. Dala told me I was obligated to draw the woods around it to answer the age old question, so I did. After drawing it all in, I colored it in with colored pencils, using two colors for every shape to give things unique colors and help simulate depth a bit. I walked away from it pretty happy. It wasn’t until I looked back at it, hours later when everything was drawn and colored in, that I realized four visible trees and a bunch of underbrush doesn’t really count as “woods.” Now I’m unhappy with it. I might end up redrawing it one day when I get bored. A few days ago, drawing random shapes, I accidentally drew a flying crow in what could best be described as a bastardization of some kind of angular folk style art. It was a complete accident, a small little drawing barely the size of a quarter, but it’s been stuck in my mind ever since and I can’t recreate it to save my life. Last night, up with insomnia, I tried to redraw more crows in that style, only a bit more controlled, and came out with crap after crap after crap. They’re all eagles or some such shit, more refined, more robust, less sleek, less ugly, less visceral. The closest thing I got to matching it, I fucked up completely, so I had to turn it into a gnarled hand with a crooked finger pointing. Art in General but Mostly an Observation on Word Choice The rabbit hole that is Wikipedia/Wikimedia is a woefully inadequate replacement to going to the art museum. However, when it’s 2 in the morning and everyone else is asleep, it’s a wonderful way to kill some time. Last night I learned that cave paintings are actually a lot more sophisticated than what popular culture might lead you to believe. I also learned that the term “primitive art” is no longer an acceptable term, as it’s considered these days to be a eurocentric pejorative. Sometimes I wonder if we worry about words too much. Sometimes I wonder if we don’t worry about them enough. Often I find myself wondering why it’s so hard to figure out where the line is drawn on such seemingly benign statements, let alone who actually decides where that line is drawn. I’ve known all of this for over a decade, yet it still surprises me every time the issue arises. I feel equally insensitive and innocent in my ignorance and I also feel that maybe the issue on words is blown out of proportion on the internet, as I don’t think I’ve ever really had an instant in my non-internet life where such subjects were a concerning, long term issue. More often than not, it’d be “Hey, rd95, don’t use that word. Some people take offense to it,” to which I’d respond “Okay, I won’t” then go about living life feeling like nothing whole was broken and nothing that was broken was fixed but knowing there’s an overlooked subtly behind everything we do and say that affects the world around us so I should watch what I do and say. Coffee I've spilled three mugs of coffee this year already. It's time to get a thermos to keep it in to not only cut back on spills, but keep it hotter for longer. Maybe something big, to save me trips to the coffee pot. Spam I look forward to seeing the results of mk's spam banning experiment.
Your stuff on cars is what has turned me off of buying a "cool" car. Part of me loves the idea of having a summer car. But I realize it would eventually have issues like you note. It would be the shiny new toy for a bit, and then it'd just be another car with granola bar wrappers in the cup holder and a stray jelly bean under the seat. I want the cool car as an image, and the image would fade quickly for me.
My favorite part is the fact I was muted in that very post.
I had almost two whole weeks at home, in NC. For the remainder of the month I will be bouncing around from Nashville, Denver, San Francisco, Michigan and then, somewhere in Florida. I'm sure April and May won't be any less crazy. Our little startup is growing. We are now actively having procedures in MI, NC, Nashville and San Francisco. We are about to launch a large lead generation campaign with a professional marketing company. We are putting together a professionally made video - The one we made before literally uses my voice (I'm not exactly James Earl Jones). We have no less than 6 strategic partnerships in play. Big team docs for the NFL coming on board. Expansion in to LA, Denver, Austin, Houston, NY, DC, Chicago and Miami are forthcoming. Also, check out our new and improved website. The idea is to have a network of physicians in all major markets and then do national PR. My kids are doing well. I'm slacking in some regards though. I haven't been keeping up with their violin lessons. At all. We are considering moving to San Francisco. That's a big deal. It's hard to find time to breathe. It's clear to me why most people don't start businesses. It's an insane endeavor. You literally have to be a little bit crazy to do this. Thankfully, I'm a lot crazy. mk even more so :) Hope you are all doing well Hubski!
My student just told me that he had a sudden surge of likes on his Medium blog. He said he didn't know why. I told him that I posted it in my corner of the internet, and there were over 50 comments. He said, "Send me the link." I hesitate. Should I let my students know that I have a secret life? I might have to be more discreet. On the other hand, they deserve a visit to the Hubskiverse.
No. Don't do it. That is a genie that never goes back in the bottle. People get fired for stupid, misinterpreted shit, every single day. You have no idea how someone else is going to read/interpret one of your posts, and if they decide it is about them, then there is nothing you can do to disabuse them (or a jury) of that notion. The internet is a big place. Everybody doesn't need to crowd into one corner. Should I let my students know that I have a secret life?
I have five people in meatspace who know my Hubski identity. Dala and PlaceboEffect are two of them, the other three don't have Hubski accounts but are discreet, trustworthy, and understand the significance of a pseudonym. I'd be more than happy to share this site with others, but I think I'd do so without letting them know my screen name, though I'd doubt it'd take long to figure out who I am. Not really a constructive response here, just my situation and maybe some food for thought.
Screen name = real name. Ha ha. I'm so transparent. I'm usually pretty thoughtful about what I write. I try not to be too (publically) stupid too often. In addition, I tend to have one consistent identity. It's a privilege to be able to finally not live a double or triple life.
I hear that. I have so many people in my life that I know would love Hubski, but it's a hard sell. It's something you have to participate in or visit regularly before you really start to get it. Much of the site is knowing the personalities, IMO. If you visit a dive bar once, you might think it's just four walls and some liquor but once you visit a number of times you realize the people that inhabit it are what make it unique. It takes time.
I would like to see what your students could bring here but then again it's easy for me to say that when I'm not encountering them on a daily basis.
Its been 15 days since I last slept for more than 3 hours straight, sleep deprivation due to parenthood is no joke. Were finally working things out such that I at least get 6-8 hours total in multiple 2-3 hour increments. This weekend I scored some beekeeping equipment on CL and placed an order for some fricken bees. I'm a true urban homesteader now (Chickens, Bees, Fruit trees and vegetable garden). Garden wise I bought a bunch more plants, wife wanted to plant strawberries so I bought 150 starts plus another blueberry, some Hardy Kiwis and a Quince tree. Ive been holding off on planting any seeds this year. Its been way too wet and cold. Kind of a bummer year for direct sow seeds so far. Started up jogging again to keep the mental health going. Seem to be keeping it going so far minus a few days for a cold. Otherwise Just been playing a lot of video games. Horizon Zero dawn has been superb. highly recommend to anyone that owns a PS4. Played a bit of the new Ghost recon, also pretty good (like GTA with better tactical combat) but nowhere near as fun as Zero dawn.
I'm grabbing a bit of houmous on toast and a cup of tae before heading back to my sister's house for more painting. I'm trapped in some sort of off-white purgatory. It's coming along, though. Like we've actually moved on to painting downstairs. So, Friday is St. Paddy's Day, the Diageo-sponsored holiday that celebrates the eponymous saint's conversion to Christianity of the people who enslaved him, even though they were getting along fine with paganism. This time I have two equally terrifying things to look forward to: I'm working that night in the pub, but I've also been asked to be the Grand Marshal at my town's parade. Meaning I'll be standing at the front and leading the parade through town. It promises to be mortifying, but I'll be the first one home. No Paddy's Day pints, though; bummer. My sister and mother are planning on heading over to Tuscany for a week in May. Mam has a cousin who bought a house over there years ago with her partner, hoping to turn it into a B&B. It's not going so well, apparently, but they're still there. We visited a bunch of times when I was younger; it's been years now, but I think I might tag along, and then head up to Lyons to visit some friends. Maybe see what's going on in Milan on the way. I was thinking of going up to Amsterdam then, but I'm fairly strapped for cash at the minute, so I think I'll hold off on that for now. Well, I've got that to look forward to! I just realised that I've never gone anywhere abroad on my own - everywhere I've gone, I've either gone with someone, or went to see someone. I think that's something I should rectify.
The gears just aren't turning the way they ought to. Lots of goals seem to have nasty catch-22's attached. Can't start a new project/join another while at 100% effort on others (According to institutional rules) but I need 100% effort in order to stay financially solvent. Had to accept a 25% effort (and paycheck) reduction in order to free my institutional avatar to join other projects. Upside, I have 10 free hours a week, downside, I have 10 unpaid hours a week. I'm going to pretend I'm still at 100% effort and use the 'free' time to further my other projects, and maybe leave a few hours early on Fridays/bad days. Robust Pleasure Source and I keep finding more things to enjoy about each other, and are working out the kinks in our behavior as a couple. Last night after I got home from work we decided to go out to a coffeeshop for the evening rather than lay around the house. If we are out in public we have to keep our hands off each other, and can focus a bit better on the things we are doing. She made substantial progress on 'How to Win Friends and Influence People,' I sent off a few job applications and did fiddle-work I had been putting off. I find myself in a strange situation as far as housing goes. I'm still renting my 1br/1bath, but I haven't spent more than a few hours there at a stretch in the past few weeks. The house my RPS rents (for pennies) is owned by her grandparents, and is one day slated to be renovated and turned into a 2 unit rental property, but that project is probably half a decade away from being started if not longer. I sleep there most nights, and have enough clothes that I'm not running back to 'my ' apartment every few days, but I'm definitely not moved in. As it stands, my lease at my current place is up in June and I need to pull the trigger on renewing (Not likely) or finding someplace else pretty soon, and until I do, I'm pouring money down a hole into a place I don't even spend time at, which bothers me. Her parents and grandparents really like me, but we still haven't been dating long enough for them to be happy with me moving in with her officially. My game plan at present is to not renew my lease, and sub-lease a bedroom from my little brother who lives nearby. I would keep most of my stuff there, but otherwise live with my RPS until such a time that her family feels comfortable with us moving in together. I don't like the deception, but I can't imagine laying all these things out with them and having them come to the same conclusions. We're young and stupid, and that's reason enough to question our plans and judgement. All that said, I'm growing more trusting of my own judgement. I can't recall a time when I felt more like the Captain of my Soul. I can't ever recall feeling more free from the patterns that have governed my gene-lines behavior. I'm almost to 25 with no kids and no real possibility of them spontaneously appearing. I'm not a raging alcoholic or opiate junkie. I've never struck a relationship partner in anger and never would. Even outside of my current employer, my resume update/application blast has returned a lot of favorable results, so even if I had to leave the University, I am fairly certain I could find a stable job at comparable pay within a reasonable timeframe. I have to repeat that to myself at times of severe professional doubt/angst and it's hard to argue with a folder in the inbox labeled 'Interview Requests.' Sure, there's shit that isn't right with my world. The student debt mountain hasn't gone away. My car payment is a monthly reminder to never loan out things that I cannot afford to lose. But I am mostly at peace with the fact that I am doing my best, and my best seems to be enough for those who care about me. I wish I could go back to the guy who wrote some of my more poignantly depressing posts, sit him down, and try to talk to him through the tears. The gist of what I would say I know you feel alone, scared, and utterly bereft of anything approaching joie de vivre. I know the world is dark and scary and completely lacking in what you would consider mercy or order. This terrible pain you're feeling is the result of giving a damn. It means that you are able to envision better. It means that you are able to think optimistically, even when it causes this terrible pain. It means you are capable of more than what you believe about yourself. It means you are able to feel joy and contentment and love, because if you were shut off from those things entirely you would have drowned yourself in chemicals and hedonic treadmill pleasure and embraced the slow death that brings. But you haven't. It sounds trite, even to my ears now, but this pain is not too high a price to pay. It is worth it to survive. It is worth it to attempt to make things a little better in whatever way you can. You cannot be shamed for trying and failing, you will only shame yourself for never trying in the first place. Forgive yourself for all the pain you've inflicted on yourself. The light you've denied because you couldn't see the source clearly. Forgive yourself for it, wipe the tears from your eyes, breath deep, and stand as best you can against the dark. You might even find that you're not alone when you try.I know you're hurting.
The levee is about to break and the potential for catastrophe is fairly high. Today I invoked my Power of Attorney for Property over my mother, who has advanced Alzheimer's disease, and she will not find out until Tuesday when we meet with her banker. It was a group decision with my siblings and her siblings. She is going to be furious, as is her default reaction now whenever she does not get her way. My mother is very smart and the kindest person I have ever met and she now only knows illogical rage. Alzheimers is not just a memory disease as I thought it was. The most disturbing part is that it changes one's personality. She was a special education teacher and she now calls anyone that disagrees with her stupid. She has never used that word in her life and that is not who she is. I come from a multi-racial family and today she said my sister was a thief because that is how all Chinese people are. Followed that up with saying my sister is not her daughter because she did not give birth to her. My jaw literally fucking dropped. That is so far away from who she really is. I am not sure how her current situation can be sustainable for much longer. I may have to invoke the Power of Attorney for Personal Care. AKA the nuclear option. The alternatives are either getting her 24/7 in-home help or selling her home and moving her into a place with full-time caregivers (that will accept a dog). She will be violently opposed to either. Ugh. I am absolutely lost and do not see any possible positive outcome. I hope none of you are ever put in this lose-lose position.
My sister has worked in the senior care industry for years, and she pioneered the "senior move management" industry, which is focused on helping seniors (many with early stage dementia of one kind or another) transition from the "family home" into some sort of assisted living situation. There are a LOT of resources out there for you to pull from... to learn how to deal with her anger outbursts, how to negotiate with someone who isn't "all there", what to expect, how to redirect when you see things going to a bad place, etc. I'm sure Google is your friend here, but if you would like personal advice, I can connect you up with my sister who can give you specific, actionable, high-quality information and advice. PM me.
Thank you for the offer. I have spent countless hours talking to people (the Alzheimers Society, Community Care, doctors), reading, watching videos, etc. but had never heard of Senior Move Management. I am going to look into that more.
1) I'm working on a 3rd & final Bookbinding, Yo! Post to go up between now and the 18th. Why the 18th? That'll be the 1-year anniversary of my original post. 2) My grandmother's having surgery to remove the tumor in her colon tomorrow morning. Send me - her - me & mine - whatever vibes, prayers, energies, burnt offerings, or other supplemental dietal powers you wish, and/or subscribe to.
Two persons have recently changed my perception of things. I told a few Pubskis ago about Patrick, an old American teaching Theory of Language. He's a mechanical engineer, and it's his wife, a Russian native, that's supposed to teach the class. Our dean, however, has decided that having an American for a teacher would be a good listening practice. He's an interesting man and a cool teacher, even if not the most equipped one for this topic. Besides, he's an American. For me, it's a great opportunity to come in contact with the culture I love, and I enjoy it as much as I can. I've spoken to Patrick after the classes. I like him, and he likes me. During the conversation, after everyone else was gone, he said my English was very good. Said I'm clever and particularly charismatic, though he couldn't put his finger on the source. Said I had presentation that any good job requires. Said I knew where I was going and am working my way towards it. With that, he said, I'm going places. Also said I'm handsome, "so take advantage of it while you're young!". I still don't know how I feel about it - just that I feel good. They were genuine compliments, and I appreciate that. When talking about making my way through life and getting to what I want in it, Pat said "I know you already know all this. I'm telling you that to reinforce it; that what you know is right". It moved me. Made me want to get shit done: because I can. However I feel about it, I appreciate hearing that. That was thing one. goobster told me once what condenses to "You don't have time to work for less than your time is worth". Whether he knows it or not, he's very much right. Most of the days, I can't make effort even for things I enjoy because I'm drained. For me, his advice is not about work ethics: it's about lifestyle. I've been doing well not looking for other people's attention and company lately. I've been content with myself. One thing I still do, though, is look for the attention of women in my life, mostly those around me in the uni. Two days ago, I've burned a handful of neurons over not finding a copy of the lecture notes. I was afraid not of losing them, but that I wouldn't be able to send them to the girl asking. Yesterday, I had the idea to organize a speaking club just so I could spend some time with another girl, whom I already have an on-and-off history with. Yearning for someone's company, I realized, made me anxious of not getting it. It turns me into a worse person: jealous, fear-ridden, demonizing. I guess I'm mature enough to recognize when a relationship is not worth the game. Our environment shapes us, and the people we spend time with are our environment. The people we are breeds the people we are; the things we do breeds the things we do. Being around someone who doesn't appreciate me will only lead to me learning the behavior, and it's something I no longer want. In other news, I'm rapidly gathering people who are interested in learning Russian with my help. Just this week, I gave my contacts to two people. Never thought it's something I would do, but I'd be a fool to miss the opportunity.