It is truly humbling to see how little power I have over my goals. I have a spreadsheet, too. It says I've biked 2487 miles for a deficit of some 161,000 calories. ZERO POUNDS LOST. I did not set out in January expecting to bail on my family for six fucking months, I tell you what.
My wife delivered two babies last night. My daughter went to bed to a babysitter and woke up to a family friend. She asked that friend to text a picture to me and mommy. Me and mommy texted pictures back. I have every reason to do what I do but my daughter still misses her parents. 30 days.
If I can't be harsh on myself who can I be harsh on? My daughter loves me. I love my daughter. I bought her stickers today. They'll go in cards. And in a month I'll be there all the time and she'll be happy and sad and angry and petulant and say "NO!daddy" and we'll love each other just the same. But it won't change the fact that for nine of the past fifteen months I haven't been any closer than Skype.