3 days ago I was driving with some friends through Eastern PA and I started feeling really shitty. Like, mild headache, mild nausea, but mostly I was just super anxious. Told my friends that even though it sounded stupid, I felt like something bad was going to happen. I couldn't tell on what scale, but I felt it. That night my grandpa passed in his sleep. I'm not too broken up about it. We weren't close. I'm more worried about my parents, but my sister's going home to help with the funeral etc. I'm staying up here, since I have 2 midterms next week, plus I'm withdrawing from a course, plus I'm super stressed because I have a crush on one of my friends again. (Last year this same shit happened, I talked to her about it, things were awkward for like a month, and I got over it. As of a few weeks ago it's back. It kind of feels like this time she might reciprocate, but then last time it felt like she might've reciprocated.) But I'm apparently doing well enough in my web design course that my professor emailed me to ask if I'd help him with some urgent UX work with some visibility. So yay.
Dude go date someone else. Anyone else. Blowing up a friendship and failing the only move back is to exorcise those demons with someone else you can care about. Mooning around and going for a do-over will actively kick your ass out of the friendzone even.