a thoughtful web.
Good ideas and conversation. No ads, no tracking.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by 3rnest
Women have more power in these situations than men. Period. Men tend to be guilty until proven innocent in cases involving children, while women seem to be given the benefit of the doubt. There are a lot of crappy guys out there but so too are there crappy women. Hell, there are just plain crappy people. When we can get to the point of referring to "people" and not "gender", we'll be alright imo.




Saydrah  ·  4647 days ago  ·  link  ·  
[citation needed]

Statistically, a woman who reports domestic violence in a custody case will receive LESS custody than a woman who does not -- even if the male aggressor has previous convictions.

http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/dv.html

"Alienation," an accusation most often levied at women, is given more weight in custody determination than brutalizing the other partner -- even by psychiatric professionals, who really ought to know better than to presume a child is better off NOT alienated from someone who beats the other parent in front of them.

To your more general point: There are certain biological differences between the sexes that cannot be erased, and in certain cases, such as pregnancy issues, it will never be possible to refer to "people" without regard to gender. But in custody situations, I agree; "parent" is better than "man" or "woman" as a determinant of fitness. The parent who parents as a verb should generally receive primary custody, while the parent who merely is, in the noun sense, a parent, should remain involved if he or she is not actively detrimental to the well-being of the child(ren) involved. However, your post, with its unsourced and broad generalization (a factually incorrect one, at that) does nothing to support the agenda you espouse. If you wish to see a "genderblind" world, why approach an issue of parenting by opening your argument with a pejorative and incorrect accusation levied at the opposite sex?

3rnest  ·  4647 days ago  ·  link  ·  
You know what? You're right. I was writing from a position of emotion and cannot back up my claims. My apologies, this topic is very relevant to me and for reasons I'd rather not get in to. From a numbers perspective, women definitely get custody more often than men, but then I think that has a LOT to do with the fact that they actively seek it more often than men.
Saydrah  ·  4647 days ago  ·  link  ·  
Wow, thank you for being so civil and thoughtful! This conversation would only ever happen so calmly on Hubski. (I was equally amazed when I realized I'd debated abortion twice with thenewgreen without a single digital equivalent of a raised voice.) I understand the anecdotal/emotional perspective. There are a lot of bad judges out there. Even if on the grander scale the system works fairly well, it's hard to ignore that there's really not much you can do if you happen to run into an instance of bias. I'm really huge on fatherhood myself, honestly. I'm not even sure I want kids, but if you want to melt me into a goopy puddle of formerly-Saydrah sludge, just show me a dad with his toddler daughter riding around on his shoulders. I'm watching my niece grow up with an absent father, and as great a kid as she is, it's hard on her. I like to think there are ways to make sure that fatherhood gets its due without the attacks on women that often come from the MRA side, and I think a lot of self-identified MRAs are working on exactly that.
thenewgreen  ·  4646 days ago  ·  link  ·  
Hey, thanks for the shout-out. I've enjoyed our discourse on said topic. I hold no cemented view when it comes to woman's reproductive rights. Why? Because I'm still learning about all the variables and facets that comprise this extremely complicated subject. I really appreciate your insight though Saydrah, it's been great for me. Cheers!
3rnest  ·  4647 days ago  ·  link  ·  
No problem. This is the last I want to discuss this topic though, it is too close to home. I think we'd find that we agree more than we disagree. I wish you and your niece well.
Laurelai  ·  4647 days ago  ·  link  ·  
I just want to say that it is awesome of you to be rational like this. I know how hard it can be to keep your cool about something you care about personally.