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comment by _refugee_
_refugee_  ·  3883 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Lil's Book of Questions: When Have You Felt the Most Free?

I feel less free when I am in a relationship.





user-inactivated  ·  3883 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Me too. God. As a side note to my pain comment above, the first week or two after a breakup is fucking fantastic.

user-inactivated  ·  3883 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Oh god, I'm in a terrible relationship right now. bonjourdemain

Someone save me.

_refugee_  ·  3882 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Tell us.

tellustellustellus

user-inactivated  ·  3882 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I was being sarcastic. I tagged bonjourdemain because she's a bit more special to me than the rest of you. ;D

_refugee_  ·  3882 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Aw damn! Was this pre hubski or can we make thenewgreen happy and say hubski was responsible?

user-inactivated  ·  3881 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Pre-Hubski. Oddly enough, I didn't know she was actively using an account for a while.

ButterflyEffect  ·  3883 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    ...the first week or two after a breakup is fucking fantastic.

Yeah, it's surprisingly good. Now that I've got my head clear it's kind of like this. So many possibilities.

user-inactivated  ·  3883 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Glad to hear it!

OftenBen  ·  3883 days ago  ·  link  ·  

To be a little bit of a contrarian, I feel a little more free when I'm in a relationship. I'm free to not put up a strong, confident front all the time. I'm free to be more myself around people I don't know, because I have no mating-instinct-driven desire to impress and peacock around.

But, because I'm single more than I'm in a relationship, this may be (Most likely is) a grass is always greener type deal.

_refugee_  ·  3883 days ago  ·  link  ·  

It is hard to encapsulate why I feel less free, but I think it is the simple act of having to care about someone else, and that the way I spend my time also affects them. Sometimes I find it exhausting to have to go through the rigamarole of texting, setting up dates to meet up, listening to the other person's problems, and so on. I am selfish and I know this and I don't think that's a sin in and of itself. And I care; there isn't a doubt in my mind that I care. But the caring, in a way, is what limits my freedom.

lil  ·  3882 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Relationships are a lot of work and the work has to be worthwhile. It's nice when a relationship gives you a feeling of endless possibilities not endless limitations.

_refugee_  ·  3881 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Are my chains of my own choosing and worth wearing because of the benefits they bring (e.g. a job, a family)?

It's this for me.

OftenBen  ·  3883 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Oh I completely understand why you would feel that way, I think it's a core personality difference though, or possibly just an attitude towards dating in general (Or a relationship in specific)

_refugee_  ·  3882 days ago  ·  link  ·  

That's reassuring, because sometimes I feel like something is "wrong" with me because of this :) Hence my attempt at justification.