Most people live in an almost constant state of unease, this can be alleviated with presence.

I'm not so sure if that applies to me.

When I focus my attention on the present, it seems that what I do loses its meaning. The consequence of remarking the inevitable end to it all should motivate me to pursuit something of grandeur, of importance. Yet here I am, browsing the night away, reading articles of which most I won't remember in a month or two. When I'm in the now, I realize that I don't fully know why I do what I want to do. Or what I want to do. 'Being in the present' only fuels the doubts I have with my actions.

So I distract myself by pointing my arrows at the next thing to do, to achieve, even though it might not be that valuable. Whatever valuable may mean. I want to give meaning, to create something meaningful, but both statements are too vague for me to know what to do. For whom? Why? Can I even make a change, or am I just as tiny as I feel?

I'm sorry, I've been feeling hopelessly lost lately and a post like this puts me in a reflective mood this evening.