First, you're unmuted. If you'd like to know why, it's this:
Thanks. Appreciate that. As I've said before, apologies work wonders. In fact, I've said pretty much everything I've about to say, over and over again, pretty much every time there are new people.
So I'm going to say it once, I'm going to say it for good, and I'm going to save it so that six months from now and a year from now and a year and a half from now and two years from now when everyone in the discussion is user-inactivated but me, I can refer back to it and save a lot of time.
I'm not the only one who mutes. I'm not the only one who blocks. However, I'm the guy who invariably gets open letters like this so, really, the task of explaining why Hubski lets users block other users falls to me. So here we go.
On the Internet, you can't ask someone to stop being an asshole. It's probably the biggest problem with the Internet. For further reading, I recommend Trust Me I'm Lying by Ryan Holiday, So You've Been Publicly Shamed by Jon Ronson and You Are Not A Gadget: A Manifesto by Jaron Lanier. Simply put, there isn't enough context to textual conversation and without a whole lot of context, no one has the empathetic weight to shape someone else's behavior in any direction but down.
I'm the biggest asshole there is. I can crush you like a bug. When it comes to in-the-mud combat, the only guy I ever ran across that was better than me was violentacrez, and that's because he wanted it more. Think about that for a minute: the guys that can beat me in a bar-room brawl are the guys that will happily go on Anderson Cooper just to be told what subhuman scum they are.
If I've muted you, it's because I'm choosing not to be an asshole. Because really, everyone is an asshole, you just need to make them show it. The best thing about Hubski? It's built around asshole control.
Not that you're an asshole. Read that again: I'm choosing not to be an asshole. I value this place because the conversations tend to be polite, erudite and heartfelt. That doesn't happen between assholes. A climate friendly to assholes tends to either (A) turn everyone into assholes or (B) drive out the people who suck at assholery and both results are catastrophic to discourse.
So I practice asshole control. I know what destroys conversations. I know what drives otherwise sane, rational people to all-consuming rage. I know how a casual conversation about "no, we don't need more moderators, thanks" into people pretending they're about to commit suicide because you're such a horrible person. Been there, done that, got the troll count.
Hubski doesn't need assholes. This is a third place where we know each other, where we have context about each other's lives and where impolite discourse between two people can put a damper on it for everyone else. This is a place where we help each other get jobs, send each other postcards, meet up and get drinks, encourage each other to lose weight and compose songs together. This is a creative space of collaboration, empathy and mutual support, not a place of discord and hostility so listen closely:
By choosing to not engage you in an asshole contest, you win. You can still read my content. You can still read my comments. What you can't do is engage me in a pissing match. What you can't do is remind people how much you hate me and why. What you can't do is goad me into being an asshole.
You can be an asshole to anyone else you want, just not to me. I have no power to block you from the site. I have no ability to keep you from commenting anywhere but directly to me. It's a big wide world, it's an eclectic site, and at least three of the top ten users on here have acknowledged we can't be civil to each other and the place is still standing.
But if you want to interact with me, don't be an asshole. Do you see how much your diatribe about me is actually about you? About your freedom to post, your freedom to interact, your knowledge, your experience? This is only appropriate, really, because you know you far better than you know me.
Because on the internet, no one can ask you not to be an asshole. You have your experiences, you have your background, you have your environment, you have your troubles and worries and dreams and hopes. I know only what you tell me. Conversely, you probably don't know that I just finished the worst job I've ever had or that I'm having to sue my property manager for 5 grand or that for the past year I've been spending all my free time trying to get a quarter million dollar business off the ground. You don't know how stressed I am or how difficult it is to be civil. You can't begin to know my background in the subject we're discussing. You only know your own, and if you don't know me, you don't think anything of flippantly telling me I'm wrong about everything I've said.
And on Hubski, we don't have to.
On every other site, you can choose not to interact with me. However, the only way I can choose not to interact with you is by leaving: public comment boards such as Reddit hold sacred your ability to troll the shit out of anyone, following them around and harassing their every comment or post. Hubski is different. If someone doesn't want to hear what you have to say, they don't have to. And as if by design, the site is functional for everyone.
That's why you were/are/will be muted and why I didn't/don't/won't feel bad about it.
And neither should you. And if you do, well...