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djw  ·  4238 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Today's Writing Prompt: "Heaven Is a Corner Store/That Went Out of Business"

what I like about this submission is that it gets farther away from the prevailing metaphor of the corner store. the first stanza explores it, and afterward the poem goes in a different direction. I think it's a "less is more" kind of thing, where the metaphor from the prompt is a strong one, but spending too much time pointing to it makes it lose some of its effect.

one thing I wasn't sure about, if you don't mind me saying, is why the line lengths and constructions change after the second stanza. they lengthen and become full sentences instead of shorter phrases, which alters the rhythm and flow. I found it a little jarring, but I'm obsessive about line lengths so I may not speak for everyone.

anyway, I just wanted to throw my two cents in. the poem also ends on a really good note.