I'm self-conscious about my place in my career and life from time to time. I'm in a very good spot, in an in-demand field in my area, and do very well for myself, engaged to a beautiful and smart girl, own a home, and have no real worries. But sometimes I almost panic and start questioning myself. Am I a phony? Do I deserve to be here? Am I in over my head? Do I actually have any idea what the fuck I'm actually doing? Why do people keep promoting me and giving me more money? Am I that good at what I do, or do they just like me because I'm social and friendly with everyone?

This has been even more prevelant lately, as I just bought a nice house last year in a nice neighborhood, I got engaged, and we're planning on having a kid in the near future. Those things kind of compound this whole feeling of "what the fuck am I doing, and is it going to crumble all around me?" When I was living in a 1Br apartment, or a house with a bunch of friends, I guess I didn't need to care or worry about these things, but now there other people depending on me, a home to keep up, a career to keep building, a frigging baby human being I have to teach and provide for... ugh. I want all of these things, but this is the first point in my life where I've really felt any "weight" on me, and I guess I'm learning to deal with it. It's all things I want, and the rewards are greater than the risks by all means... but those risks are always in the back of my mind. The fear of failure, and that I've failed at other things in my life before (dropped out of college, let myself down numerous times, plenty of failed relationships, etc), just makes me really self-conscious and second guess my actions and place in life.

It's all good, don't get me wrong, but about 1 day a month I have a minor freak out about all this, and I try to keep it underwraps as best I can and just get through it. But sometimes it's just really hard to shake.