in summary I've been reading too much

in other news, Cumol inspired me to send my PCP some paperwork that I've been needing to send for 6 months - i got diagnosed with autism last year and the psych said that it might be worth a try to go on "a mild neurostimulant" so i might be microdosing ritalin in the gauntlet of other pills that I'm taking

i remembered the point to the previous post: basically i feel like society is a big machine that's designed to diffuse things. the doctor not treating you because you're trans is localized blame - the doctor not treating you because your insurance doesn't cover trans stuff is diffused blame. science at its core is a mode of inquiry. it uncovers truth. but the way science is used socially is to diffuse truth. it gets spread around until you can see through the cracks. communities are machines for sharing. science feels like a mechanized faith. it's truthfinding made capital m Modern. it feels like instead of pointing to god, you can now point to the machine. it's insufficiently material. and it just feels phony when it's applied to things that are socially constructed. I'm sick to death of the science of social science, where people make models to worship and indianajones-swap them with the real world

i keep losing my train of thought