I'm coming up on a year out of the military and have spent a bit of time reflecting. I always heard about guys getting out and feeling lost and without purpose. I always thought I'd have a little of that but it turns out it's been an overarching theme this entire year. The truth is nothing really feels like it matters. There's no sense of purpose, no stakes, no objective. Going to school is beyond bland and most dates I've been on just feel meh. I strongly dislike how much this sentiment is leaking into my life but I just can't seem to help it. The weeks I did in Ukraine were the closest I felt to satisfaction. The last thing I want to do is spend my life chasing more but it looks like it may happen anyways-I'm working through details of going back shortly. I'm meeting up with a Ranger Regiment guy who got out 10 years ago next week and am hoping he can provide a little guidance. I have a lot of decisions to make in the next couple months and am unsure on a lot of fronts. It looks like I may forego the medical school path in favor of nurse practitioner or physician assistant.

Fortunately, there's a lot of good. This summer I worked as a camp counselor at a camp I went to as a kid. Despite being one of the oldest people there, older than most of my supervisors in-fact, I was able to settle into the role really well and had an extremely restorative summer. I'm thinking I'll go back to work there in the future, it's by far one of my favorite places on the planet with one of the best communities around. Trying to work out how I take a summer off from now until eternity and still have a career. I've recently moved to San Francisco and so far absolutely love the city. I'm living in a great area with fantastic roommates and have started to build a small community, something I often lacked with the constant moves of the military.

Dating in a city is something I've never quite experienced to this level (at least in one where everyone speaks english). I've been on quite a few dates, it seems there are plenty of options. So far though most have fell fairly flat. I had drinks with a women a few or two ago who worked at Meta and spent a good 20 minutes talking about how the company wasn't really that bad. I do feel like I'm chasing the ghost of my ex and hope I can just move on from that eventually. I think I'm going to delete dating apps and take a break-they feel so hollow and 9/10 I come out with a bad taste in my mouth.

All in all life is pretty dang good, just need to ponder some decisions. No place quite like the pub..ski