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Inside. Honestly, I'm not being glib. Until you know who you are, and what drives you, you cannot be a good partner, and you cannot find the answers outside of you. At one point in my life I realized I lived a very "noisy" active life. There was never any silence or time alone, just me and my thoughts. I was constantly generating noise/activity to avoid having to look inward and do any self-discovery. It took me a year of quiet contemplation, living in a foreign country, largely alone, before I became truly comfortable just being with myself. Everyone's journey is different, and only the few who truly dedicate themselves to it will achieve their goal of internal calm and confidence. But the process is worthy, no matter how far you take it.