I hear your frustration, and feeling of alienation in - what you thought - was your community. That's a rough experience.

Although, I see a lot of projection in what you wrote... you projecting what others are thinking about you, and I encourage you to look closely at that. Our perceptions are entirely our own. Nobody else perceives things exactly the same way we do in our own heads. So assuming motivation, thoughts, or intent on other's behalf is risky.... sometimes necessary, for safety's sake, but risky nonetheless.

I like to be somewhere I can watch people and events happen. I'll stand to the side, or the back, and interact when necessary, but mostly observe and just enjoy the pageantry of humanity as it passes by, engrossed in its little stories.

This used to be how I participated at most events, then people starting coming up to me and chatting... asking "do you own this place?", or "is this your event?" My calm watchfulness and enjoyment of the spectacle was taken by others as 'ownership' or some sort of control of the event in question... when in reality, I was a paying customer just like anyone else.

I hear some of this in the comments others made to you... they saw you as "whole" as not "in need" and as being comfortable as is. So they didn't engage or invite you, because they assumed you already had that permission/role.

Is it possible to flip the script on what you were perceiving? Maybe they didn't invite you because you didn't seem "in need" ... like the type of person that needed to be invited... or maybe they felt you were involved in bigger things than what they were up to?

I don't know if that is the case. But it is a mental exercise you can walk through, and see how it fits.

It might give you clarity on how better to engage with others and let them know your needs, so they can bring you in. You could decide this is a lesson in helping others hear your "wants" better, instead of them assuming you are on your own track and not interested in theirs...?

Much love, my friend. Being a foreign squirrel amongst fish could be fun or completely alienating...