Some of my least favorite friends felt the need to quote The Californians at us every time they talked to us because obviously we're all airheads with nothing better to talk about than traffic. That is, until I pointed out that Los Angeles doesn't really have weather per se whereas traffic has a more profound influence on the day-to-day life of Angelinos than literally anything else. Angelinos discussing which roads to take or not take and what traffic was like at any given intersection is very much the equivalent of fishermen discussing shoals or river pilots discussing flows past a jetty. So while every normal culture has meaningless chit-chat about the weather, Angelinos have meaningless chit-chat about traffic. Thus, your ability to negotiate that traffic is a fundamental part of your identity and any habits or skills or secrets are very much a part of your social clout. Waze has its haters in no small part because it forced every single skillful navigator to completely relearn the rivers after Google gave all their trade routes to the Stupids.

Seattle? "It's raining, we're fucked." "It just stopped raining, we're fucked." "It's snowing, we're ultra-fucked." "That snowstorm? Yeah, I was so fucked." "My weekend would have been fine but the sun was shining so I was fucked." "Folklife was on so downtown was fucked." "Everyone moved out to Snohomish so I5 is fucked past Arlington." "The bridge is cracked so West Seattle is fucked."

There is no clevering your way around Seattle traffic, it's just varying levels of pain. You can pass the time by antagonizing other players but even if you tune out there are abrupt stops, gunfighters willing to trade paint in order to gain a car length and landmarks that have suddenly changed so even though you've taken that exit every day for a year you just drove past it because something in your subconscious tripped an error subroutine and now you're going to Kent.

California roads are the way they are because California is a land of grift. Someone made a buck on every square foot, which is what he had left after he paid the nine other people their percentage for making the road go left where every bit of common sense would have had it go right. Thus it's an overbuilt miasma of poor planning under perpetual construction. Seattle roads are the way they are because Seattle is a land of awkward conflict where everyone will die on the hill of their way or no way and in order to get something functional Dayton will be one to three blocks east or west every five to ten blocks from Fremont to Shoreline. Thus it's an underbuilt miasma of poor planning under perpetual construction. California? Gives you choice in your suffering, thus a sense of ownership. Seattle? Gives everyone the exact same poor choice, thus a sense of victimization.