We’re at about that time of year where my financial anxiety starts setting it. My only real/steadyish source of revenue are my tours in the summer (I’ve tried giving them in winter, but it’s proving to be not viable). So when in January I have nothing to do, and my bank account starts slowing draining it always makes me question my life decisions. Because there is no real guarantee the tours will pick back up well in the summer. And it’s not really a lifelong career so I really should be looking for something else in the meantime.

It’s a bit annoying that I come to this place every year. And then loop thought the same thoughts again.

- what’s an easy money business I should start now?

- maybe I should start applying for jobs?

- what am I actually good at and could be a valuable skill for someone to hire me for?

- fuck this, it would be cheaper to go live in Asia, travel or something for the winter maybe?

- feeling unproductive and lazing around on the couch self-loathingly

- volunteering at various places so I feel less like a lazy fuck

I feel I’ve been coping a bit better than usual this year with the precious plastic project - but there is no financial gain in sight. I’ve probably volunteered hundreds of hours on passion projects this year, and i love it. But sometimes I wish I could do that without being stressed about paying my bills.

And I feel like my parents are judging me a little right now for not having a game plan :( i know they love me, but i feel like a disappointment when every time I see them I just get grilled on what I’m doing and my mom tries to convince me to go get a masters degree in something (anything).