Okay, one, I enjoyed the shit out of this read because any reason to hate on Christmas movies and I am DOWN. I once listened to a Canadian line producer go on an extended rant about the abject absurdity of Christmas movies because their only market is American, their sell season is short, their market is thin and their profits are nonexistent. Christmas movies are ghastly stupid from an economic standpoint and bring out the absolute worst in filmed entertainment. I think it says something that the pantheon of Christmas movies is It's a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, Die Hard and eighty-eight skidillion forgettable pieces of shit that nobody will ever even pause when they need to get more egg-nog because who the fuck cares. Fucking Love Actually? It's "We Are the World" as cinema. Eat shit.

Two, though, y'all whippersnappers prolly grew up with Hallmark Channel without ever having to live through the Vision Interfaith Satellite Network and the American Christian Television System. See, when I was a kid we just called it "the God Channel" and it had Jerry Fucking Falwell on it and the fact that in my lifetime I've seen the channel that aired "Davey & Goliath" tuck their fucking tail and go "okay we relent here's your lesbian kiss" is a fucking win for the ages and if they're showing "a trip into an uncanny valley of shiny-teethed, blow-dried heteronormative whiteness" (zomg I am so jealous of that sentence) it's pretty much all they have left of their previous godhatesfags.com existence as the place where the Southern Baptist Convention demanded prayer in school.

So yeah - they're terrible and they enforce all the wrong lessons on a population that doesn't need to hear this shit. But they're also largely enjoyed and championed by the 'boomers that miss Jerry Fucking Falwell who now have to put up with angry Twitter SJWs forcing them to watch lesbians kiss during the commercials which is their lot in life because their son won't program their universal remote without hiding Fox News from the channel lineup so I'm gonna put this in the "we have further to go" column rather than the "things are getting worse" column if it's all the same to you.