My birthday is coming up. 26 feels somewhat misspent, given my inability to do many of the things that I would like. I have more hope for 27 because I'm actually planning it out, rather than sitting around for months on end waiting for appointments. It's time to be happening instead of having things happen to me.

I have a chronic pain doctor and an additional diagnosis of a 'centralized pain disorder' to open up new resources for me. He's rather disgusted that it took so long for someone to refer me over to a pain doc, given my history. I have been flatly told that I will not be getting a transplant any time soon, so we will work at the problem from this angle.

I learned that Al-Anon is a thing discrete* of Alcoholics Anonymous. My pain doc believes that going a few times might benefit me. We'll see. Thanks to tacocat's experience I am leery of twelve-step anything.

I've been asked to set some big goals for myself. The question was presented as

'If I could wave a magic wand and make you better, what would you do?'

And now apparently we are going to shoot for those things.

I'm now technically training for a half marathon. Who knows when I will get there, but that's the goal. An old friend has it in her head that I will be able to do a triathlon with her in a year or two.

I've had three physicians in the past 6 months ask me when I was going to med school. I've always believed myself capable of it intellectually, but the physical component has always scared the pants off of me. At present condition, I can't practically be up and physically active for more than an hour or two at a time. I don't even know if I will get in, but I am accreting the information necessary to apply and maximize my chances. I should probably be a bit more afraid/respectful of the MCAT but standardized testing just doesn't phase me. I'm certainly not going to be pursuing a career in hospitalist practice if I am successful. I do think I could be someone's kick-ass family doctor though.

I won't bother with the whole 'new year, new me' thing, because I think it's largely untrue in this instance. This is who I've wanted to be and felt unable to pursue it. I might still be unable, but I won't know with certainty without trying.