i feel empty about every day - i'm not saying that i never feel anything, but i'm saying that for some span of time in any given day i feel (1 of either) hopeless and lost / detached from sensory experience and my own thoughts. i can't find a good way to describe it that doesn't strike me as super pretentious but it's not cool my dudes

i feel like the two biggest problems that have dogged me (lack of energy / self-hate) have not so much gone but changed in intensity and tenor and i think that explains why i feel stuck / progressless lately: my solutions aren't properly tuned to my problems, if that makes sense

i think i need to take a break / make a break from the internet a little more than i have been - over the past 3 months or so i've been progressively cutting out websites from my life starting with the biggest tumors (reddit, 4chan, twitter) and moving through smaller/less harmful timesucks (steam, discord, various video games, etc) and i've come to the opinion that even hubski is a place that isn't helping me become the person that i want to be. i don't think my ideal self would foster habits that hinder me like that, or at least ones that don't actively help me become a better person

i dunno y'all. i'm not particularly mentally literate - i just know that stuff feels wrong and i wanna meet this sucker head-on instead of getting washed away again n i'd rather look back on myself a couple years from now and regret being angsty and overcomplicated like a normal person instead of regretting living purposelessly like... other normal people do

anyway, peace out y'all (and) good luck

Q / Keegan