barista said that the acidity from this coffee is "really wonderful and fruit-forward, like Hawaiian Punch micro-dosed with LSD."

and how it was processed, because you don't want any of those weird or off flavors you get sometimes with natural coffees, which would ruin everything.

Ya know why your coffee is "really wonderful and fruit-forward", probably because it was either a natural or honey processed coffee.

As long as the grind is perfectly dialed in, the water correctly heated to the precise temperature, and your drip technique as graceful and measured as the lines of the gooseneck kettle you're pouring water from, everything will turn out just fine.

Yeah, so, this really isn't that hard of a thing if you really give a shit about it and have the budget. If you don't have the budget but give a shit it'll still be good coffee, and if you don't give a shit, you don't give a shit.

Sure, the barista who you see every time scowls at you, and he always asks if you want milk and sugar in your coffee, and it’s not because he's trying to be chill and accommodating to regular people who just want some coffee the way they've been drinking it their entire lives, but because one time a friend of yours gently asked if she could have some of the shop's flavored syrup in her iced coffee, thereby obligating the barista to explain that a cup of coffee is the singular and miraculous end product of a process that involved the labor of dozens of people stretched across an extraordinarily long supply chain that reaches halfway around the world, and it shouldn't really be covered up with sugar syrup, which is only on the menu for the rubes, anyway.

Is this a real thing that happens? Is this, like, specific to LA or something? Because I've never actually had this kind of experience, third wave shop or otherwise.

but he just mumbled that it wasn’t dialed in and so he wouldn’t serve it, and you’ve been beaten down ever since.

See above.

But the lines are so long, and you're right, you don't have thirty minutes to waste looking at Instagram while you wait for that guy to dourly make your coffee.

Uhhh I think the longest I've ever waited for a coffee was...10 minutes? At the original Verve in Santa Cruz, and it's because I was the guy ordering the super-special $8 cup of coffee" and you know what??? It was an amazing experience, and maybe one of the most complex coffees I've ever had.

You know what - fuck this article. If this is the "millennial" experience when it comes to coffee then I am clearly missing something, because this is not even an outlier experience for me. Even at a Starbucks, local third-wave shop, you name it. Does it exist? Yeah, probably, but who the fuck cares. Drink your coffee, shut up, stop overthinking it, and enjoy it.

Jesus, this article annoyed me on a level that makes me relate to kleinbl00. The one thing I disagree is the Chemex being dumb - it's a great way to make coffee. But so is everything else if you have fresh beans and the right grind.