Had a really rough yesterday after a really rough monday. Many thanks to _refugee_ for her listening ear and sage council.

Some of my nastier mental health issues have reared their head again in conjunction with my slowly worsening health.

Have an appointment with an assessment counselor after work to decide what course of counseling I will pursue.

Have an appointment with my heart failure doc next monday to go over my current status, trajectory and options.

Making a plan helps deal with fear a great deal. It's not a total solution however. I find myself tabbing back into my own medical record at work every few hours. Checking chemistry, re-checking measurements on this and that. Trying to see where I fit into various models of disease. Short version is that I don't. There aren't enough young people with this class of illness to have good data. Even if there were, from what I am able to discern, I am deeply abnormal.

I wish I had something more positive to say. My anniversary is in 12 days and I need to make a plan. On our first date we spent 12 hours just laying in a darkened room talking quietly. Maybe we will go get dinner and do that again.

Edit for something positive.

I biked almost 11 miles yesterday after not going more than 5-6 for weeks.