I usually don't participate in these pubskis, and I've been mulling over why today. It occurred to me that this is a pound for pound good thing to participate in that already fits into my life.

I am at my worst in the morning. Not that all my mornings are the WORST, but relative to the rest of the day I usually just want to hide this section of myself from the world. That's probably the main reason why.

Plus my timezone makes me feel like I've arrived late to a party, which isn't true and pretty irrational, but 63 comments (and counting) is really intimidating to post in.

There is also a picture of beer at the top of each thread. I feel naive for asking this, but do people actually drink in the morning? I always get sleepy after drinking, drinking in the morning would be hell for me, I think. Maybe I should try to imagine you guys actually commenting during your afternoons, drinking beer with lunch. Maybe you guys have lunch at your 11am, which seems to be the norm. Fuck, I need to start waking up earlier than 8.

There's a book (I'm pretty sure its The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera) where a character believes that the if her diary was ever read by someone else it would negate the function of a diary, ruin the therapuetic effect that writing in a diary gave. That idea freaked me out when I read it, I had always had public diaries with feedback from someone else, penpals in highschool, online forums, with SOs, okcupid (when it still had its penpal focus)- feedback is probably my main driver of being vulnerable, I think. This is a character aspect / flaw of mine, I think.

Mike Birbiglia is a comedian who has a special called "My Secret Public Diary". Obviously he is my favorite comedian, I steal a lot of my public speaking style from him. Repetition, callbacks, timings, speaking tics- but my hunch is that there is also a propensity to paint one's life in a way that's most entertaining, whether self-deprecating or containing borderline sensitive information.

I am telling a story for a local podcast storytelling show next week in front of 700 people (these shows sell out, quick). I'm psyched because they sought me out for it. One of the great contradictions about me is that I feel most comfortable when I'm speaking publicly in front of a bunch of strangers. It's a flaw, but I know I'm going to kill it.