Nothing personal francopoli, but I kind of hate videos like this.

sigh

They're destroying video as a medium.

It's worth noting that they exist only on Youtube. Vimeo doesn't have shit like this. Amazon doesn't have shit like this. Youtube videos look like Youtube videos for the same reason that the most successful locksmith back in the days of paper phone books was "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Locksmith."

Youtube viewers have the attention span of gnats. They'll add something to the queue if it looks good in a thumbnail. Excessive, dumb graphics look good in a thumbnail. They'll switch away the minute things are boring. That's okay because on Facebook it's a view after three seconds. Youtube is now claiming it's 30, but last year it was 6, so WTF ever especially since they're currently experiencing a catastrophic advertiser revolt. So you get this kind of video - stupid voiceover graphics that mean nothing.

But wait! There's more! It's a social network so if I like your gaming channel and you like my gaming channel and we all like John's gaming channel, Youtube is going to suggest you, me and John to anyone who clicks you or me or John so you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. And if Bob watches John, and Jim watches John, then if Sam watches anything Bob or Jim watch Sam will also get John because really? Youtube exists to force-feed you bullshit on autoplay so they can count views so they can charge advertisers for it.

And the content? The content doesn't fucking matter. It's for people who can't get away from the computer long enough to boil a cup o'noodle so they sit the laptop or the phone or WTF ever on the counter and let it chatter at them while they sit there fondling their balls and wait for the microwave to ding. They'd be reading memes on Reddit if they weren't busy actually using their hands for something so it's a good thing there's a charming British dude to tell them shit they already knew about rocket launchers while showing them footage from video games.

You know, video games. You've played a few, right? Here's "fair use"-length clips from all of them stolen without credit so that you'll relate to at least a handful. Fuck yeah. (that game). Fuck yeah. I used to love (that other game). Didn't we all? Oh, yeah. Follow this channel and we'll remind you of other things you already like.

Nobody on the planet ever said "I'd like to watch something that tells me something I already know that I don't really have to pay much attention to that the people producing it don't give a fuck if I watch more than a few seconds of whose primary value comes from the fact that it's very much like all the other superficial shit I don't pay any attention to" but that's what Youtube rewards. The Youtube model delivers payouts to exactly.that.bullshit so that's the bullshit we all get.

Know what drives me up the fucking wall? Unprofessionalism is a style now. See this guy?

https://www.youtube.com/user/marquesbrownlee

One of the top tech bloggers on Youtube. Know what he shoots on?

Know why? Because it's super-duper fetish gear if you're a Youtube punter and he gets enough hits he can afford it. But you know what would make his shit look even better?

Two fucking iphones instead of one so he wouldn't be doing that bullshit jumpcut farklefuck that every youtuber used to do because they only had one camera but now every youtuber does because that way you know they're legit or some shit.

Cinematography and editing are a settled fucking thing. Fucking Merian Cooper used the same techniques for Grass in 1925 that Warner Fucking Herzog used last week: A roll, B roll, voiceover, maintain continuity in the cut. Youtube? Youtube has decided that jarring is good because 99.9% of their content is jarring so if you edit like a human you're pretentious or some shit.

It is the worst fucking thing in the world and I hate it so much. There's 300 hours of fresh and shiny new useless bullshit uploaded to Youtube every minute and Youtube gives not the first fuck if any of it is good, they only care about finding ways to force you to sift through it so they can charge advertisers for whatever pearls you pluck out of the shit. Except the pearls aren't pearls, they're horse apples and seriously. How many gamers are there out there that don't understand how a rocket launcher works? It's a rocket. In a tube. That launches.

Jesus.

Sorry. Struck a nerve. I didn't realize how much I hated Youtube until I found myself with two roommates who blast it at 110dB for hours at a time without ever once being in the same goddamn room as the panel on which it is playing and none of it - NONE OF IT is even vaguely illuminating.