i got a "traffic citation" for calling someone on my cell phone thing while driving on the interstate in upstate new york i had been dueling the cop for thirty miles, tantalizing him by going about ten over, never quite crossing the line. then i pulled out my cell phone and violated natural law and he just couldn't restrain his lil behatted self anymore we went through the usual cat and mouse where he tried to get me to admit to being a stain on the rug of humanity and finally he said well, i'll ignore the speeding (ha!) and just write you a thing for being on your cell phone. i indicated that i cared not, he insisted i would see a maximum fine of 50, we both moved on with our lives, mine enjoyable, his soulless anyway my ticket came in the mail and it was 250 the end fuck upstate new york in the west we drive with our cell phones in spring-loaded holsters ready to rumble