I might be reading Wikipedia and recalling things wrong, but I'm pretty sure the LS is a pushrod V8 (pretty certain it's a descendent of the same block design as the 350), so it can't be a DOHC because the camshaft is inside the block.

This is correct. My argument is that if you're going to make yet another pushrod V8 with the exact same bore, stroke and valve profile as the one you've been making since '57, maybe you should try and keep some of the parts the same.

'cuz they fuckin' made a 32v DOHC 350 back in 1990:

And no, pushrods are not "GM's thing." Pushrods were everyone's thing up until the Japanese decided they wanted to simplify the valvetrain, minimize the parts, and increase the valve area. The only people running pushrods now are the throwbacks: Harley Davidson, Ducati and Briggs & Stratton. At least Ducati has the honor to go desmodromic on it and at least Harley uses Chevy pushrods and at least Briggs and Stratton is no longer making flatheads but that's where we're at: the people still using pushrods only just stopped building flatheads.

And I know you don't understand what half that means, and that's okay. This is my gentle way of saying "no, you're wrong, pushrod engines aren't small, light and easy to modify, they're shit." Everyone loves to do LS swaps because everyone used to put small blocks in everything. I've seen a small block VW Beetle. I've seen a small block Honda Civic. For a while, I was on the edge of putting a small block in a VW bus, except that isn't true, we were going to put a 512 Cadillac V8 in it because small blocks are horrendously overrated.

Li'l story. I was reading a Hot Rod Magazine article about the Ford Romeo V8, looking at the parts available, noticing that it would get up to 500HP if you breathed on it right, and thinking that'd be pretty fun to put in a 3000GT.

But it only takes one Youtube video.

Yeah. The engine that's already in a 3000GT can make a streetable 1100HP, no engine swap necessary.

Look. American V8s have been forgotten by time. They really have. Saying "pushrods are their thing" is like saying "training wheels are their thing." And you're assuring someone that smallblock V8s fit in everything after he's shown you pictures of the smallblock TR-7 on 31" mud tires that he built.

I know they do.

So no, not really, I don't feel tempted to work on the thing. 'cuz here's the deal: At the age of 17, I pretty much exhausted the possibilities of that engine and I've been through two Bushes, a Clinton and an Obama since then. It may have been unclear but I really hate the fact that chevy makes DOHC engines by the bargeful, they just don't put them in anything fast. So when I say that I find myself pushed into a corner where I'm seriously considering a CTS-V, know just how uncomfortable that makes me.

See this car? It's basically a remixed Corvette.

Know what it uses for a transaxle? A Porsche G50. Know why? Because Porsche, with their bullshit little air-cooled 3L flat six, has been making more horsepower and torque than Chevy with their 5.7L V8 for 30 fucking years. See this thing?

That's a 4.6L DOHC all-aluminum General Motors V8.

That GM stopped making in 2010.

Know what an LS-7 is? It's a ported and polished LS-1. Which means, for the easy hot-rod stuff, the peak HP out of an LS motor is 500 fucking horsepower. Punk-ass-kid me was getting 450 with a shitty carb and an RV cam and some $200 headers back in nineteen diggity two.