I started journaling. It's been enlightning and (fuck my vocabulary; "ease-making" is what I mean to say) to write the stuff of my mind off with constance. I used to talk about such stuff online, and Hubski was one of the victims of such outbursts due to its comfortable atmosphere and good people, but journaling is a whole new level of self-expression for me. For once, I don't even have the catalyst of worrying what others might think of me, so I can write precisely as intimate and as sincere as I want - and so far, this kind of thing only provoked thought, which is what I require most right now.

I also had a dream that turned me inside out when I woke up. I was in some sort of a prison when my old friend (whom I haven't seen for years) came to me; I put a gun to his head (seeing how, within a dream, I had some sort of a reason to be afraid of him), and he only dares me to shoot, knowing full well that I won't. After that, he leads me to what appears to be my apartment, and what happens next puts me into emotional overdrive: there are dozens of people, welcoming me home, every single one of them with a sincere and warm smile the kinds of which I've only seen in movies... My mother is a narcissist, which entails some of the worst associations in my head - and I hugged her dearly when I came back. Weakened by emotions, I was walked outside, into another room where others still were waiting for me; when I was walked in, every single one of them cheered up in a way I saw no one cheer for me before - sincerely, warmly, with great care for my well-being... I remember hugging my deceased grandparents as dearly as I could, crying on their shoulders like I only did so rarely - and in this moment, I realized that I'm crying in reality, as well, at night, hugging the pillow...

Something clicked inside, afterwards. I don't know what - but it was enlightening. Rarely did I ever have as much fun with my groupmates as I did in the last two days. I guess I see relationships I'm a part of better, clearer now. I came to appreciate spending good time with people despite how imperfect they are. Despite the modern cliche, people are important and you can't prosper on your own. Partaking in the group activities gives me energy, and I'm an introvert. While it's not the most important part, having people like you is good.

A lot of stuff happened in the last few days, but my laptop battery is failing... or it was, at the time of writing the thing. I didn't manage to get the foodcourt Wi-Fi again before the laptop required nutritioning (is that a word?), so what you see is a glimpse into the past. Welcome to quantum linguistics.