Morning 'Pubski.

I'm in a weird headspace. I have a plan for the next couple months, an outline of how I want the next couple years to go and, dare I say it, a little hope that I can accomplish those things that I want to do. There are definitely still bad-brain days, but they are fewer, or at least farther between. Something, if it's counseling or working out more regularly, or something I can't put my finger on, is having a positive effect. That should be a good and positive thing to say, but it feels like there's an emptiness where lots of animosity once was. The fact that said animosity was almost entirely directed at myself has little to no bearing on how I feel about the resulting apathy. Maybe I've mentioned this before, but as I gain more discipline (I think I am anyway) and meditate more, I become more tangibly aware of the disconnect between 'Things I want/need/should do' and 'Things my body wants to do.' I can feel the horse buck and pull as the rider applies the reins. I'm not sure how typical/atypical this is, but meditation in general puts me in better connection with all of me, good and bad, primal and 'sophisticated.'

Maybe it's just late-winter getting to me. Counseling appointment tonight, first one in several weeks. I'm glad I decided to space them out, rather than stop all together.

Also blackbootz I think I figured out a half-decent form for my kettlebell swings. Starting with one hand and alternating between sets is somehow easier than using both, at least for me.