So the dishwasher burst into flames.

We were making dinner and I was cleaning the table and my wife heard arcing. Then it started to smoke. Then she turned it off and I set about unmounting it so I could unplug it, but the property manager put linoleum over the feet so that was kinda difficult. So I went to turn off the breaker and heard my wife say "oh my goodness!" and run out of the room (in search of a fire extinguisher). So I see this thing with a column of flame leaping like a foot up, think "well, it's only 110v" so I swat at it with a wet sponge and put it out.

Dragged that fucker out and put it on the back porch. Considering the tree went out there a day previous (in expectation of chipping - the 2nd Troy-Bilt chipper in as many days because the first one literally shook itself apart, there's some fun pictures from that too), the porch went from zero to redneck in 24 hours.

Apparently this is a thing. According to the CPSC, there are like 600,000 en fuego dishwashers, of which 100k have been successfully recalled, 50 of which have burst into flame, and 4 of which have caused property damage. Which means, if you include the fact that I'm going to have to replace the linoleum in the kitchen, puts us in rarified territory.

So now we're waiting a week for Bosch to come "inspect" it and "diagnose" the issue. Apparently if they'd come by prior to the flambe it'd be worth 40% off a new dishwasher... or a repair. We've been told that Bosch will "make it right", whatever that means.

In other news, I'm now negotiating via email with the stupid property manager, who is using as his legal argument "it's your fault you didn't bitch about our shitty checkout review five days before you got here" as reason for not giving us the tenants' deposit, and our architect, whom we've been nagging to get our drawings submitted for permit, let us know yesterday at 6pm that they can only submit for permit today at 2pm and by the way they'll need $7k worth of checks beforehand.

On the plus side, we were home, we were in the kitchen, we were on it, no one was harmed, the house didn't burn down and we didn't get a call from our property manager six months ago saying "well, your house burned down." And maybe we get a new dishwasher. Which wouldn't be bad - aside from that whole "burst into flame" thing.

My wife and I will look at the empty hole in the kitchen, say "burst into flame" to each other and break out laughing. Which is good, 'cuz it's been leaking for a while and the subfloor is fucked up under it, too.