I've come to realize something: nobody else will ever put your needs or comfort first. You have to do it yourself. I'm not sure exactly what the optimal solution is, but here is an attempt: * By default, be selfish. Only consider your own needs and comforts. * If all of your needs and comforts are being met, and you cause disproportionate work for someone else's needs and wants, that is "too selfish". * If not all of your comforts are being met, you have choice on whether to choose your own direct comfort or to help someone else (humans, being social creatures, do gain a form of happiness from pleasing someone else). Note that this is a choice between comforts that affect you. * If you are being pressured into helping, someone is trying to take away your choice. That alone is justification for not helping.