I'm a full blown alcoholic. Some days I just wake up and it's like "Fuck it, I feel like shit immediately upon opening my eyes, drinking is all that's going to happen today." And I don't even get hangovers so it's not like I wake up and need some hair of the dog, I just don't care so much that being drunk all day is preferable to being depressed all day. Note that first sentence next time you hear "Admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery."

Finding out why you drink is a big part of recovery. You don't understand it and neither do a lot of people who do it. For me, it was a lot of just growing up around a father who drank every night, insomnia, boredom, genetics, lack of a close social circle and alcohol just being an easily accessible high. Even knowing all that, I don't know why I keep doing it. I actually just fell off the wagon after being pretty certain I'd never drink again.

They say alcoholism is a disease but it's not. Using the model of disease for treatment is effective in helping people so it's a disease instead of a moral failing which is what it was seen as until about a hundred years ago. It's really more of a symptom that you're not alright and I've heard that too from psychiatrists I've seen. It's a disease in that it requires medical help and when people want to play the semantic game without understanding the nuances of why pouring Johnny Walker down your throat is on par with schizophrenia it pisses me off even if I'm willing to concede that it's a disease from some kind of medical philosophy perspective.

I kinda lost focus at the end but that doesn't mean what I said isn't true