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Just be like, "Hey guys, can't wait to get that $50 back after you die". No, wait, don't say that unless you're caught in a nuke strike that they called in. That pot story is something straight out of my late teenage years. It happened just like that, verbatim. I hadn't analyzed it as thoroughly as you did, so thanks for tying up those loose ends. I'm terrified at the prospect of someone as fallible as me parenting. Birth control is definitely one of my favorite things.